[00:00:00] Rita Black: Have you ever noticed that the way you speak to yourself about your weight is harsher than anything you’d ever say to someone else? For many of us, the weight struggle becomes a toxic relationship, not with food, but with ourselves. The inner critic, the shame, spirals, the constant, not enough. It wears us down.

[00:00:23] Rita Black: In today’s episode, we’re shining a light on this pattern of self-abuse, how it starts. Why it sticks, and most importantly, how to begin shifting into a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself. It is time to stop being your own worst enemy and start becoming your most powerful ally. take a deep breath and come on in.

[00:00:54] Rita Black: Did that our struggle with weight doesn’t start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym? 80% of our weight struggle is mental. That’s right. The key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind. Hi there, I’m Rita Black. I’m a clinical hypnotherapist, weight loss expert, bestselling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process.

[00:01:22] Rita Black: And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery. I am also a former weight struggler carb addict. And binge eater. And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40

[00:01:40] pounds with the help of hypnosis. Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years.

[00:01:48] Rita Black: Enter the Thin Thinking Podcast where you too will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling. I’ll give you the thin thinking tools, skills, and insights to help you develop the mindset you need. Not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long term and live your best life.

[00:02:09] Rita Black: Sound good? Let’s get started. Hello. Hello. Welcome and come on in And thank you. Thank you for being here. thank you. I’m very feeling very grateful today. I am. And I’m grateful for you, really. I truly am. I think about our community all the time, and I really appreciate your showing up here every week.

[00:02:39] Rita Black: I hear from various people how they listen to our show on their walks or in at the gym or when they’re driving in their car and. I love that we have this ongoing conversation every week, and if you are new to the Thin Thinking Podcast welcome, come on in. You are welcome to be here, and I hope you find this to be home that you can come to every week.

[00:03:12] Rita Black: to reinforce a powerful mindset in the world of weight management. Self care and

[00:03:20] basically showing up for yourself. I have been it’s been a working summer, this summer sometimes. And in a good way. I love to work. I love, love, love to work, my husband jokes because he’s retired now and he has many hobbies.

[00:03:39] Rita Black: Many hobbies. I laugh at how many hobbies my husband, I, he of all I know many of you love what you do too, and. Cannot think about not working. And some of you can’t wait to be done with official work that you can dig into your life and the things that you’re really inspired about and travel or your grants or your kids or what have you.

[00:04:01] Rita Black: But I am amazed and it at my husband’s ability to. To dig into things that are non-work oriented. And and right now I’m trying to focus his energy on practical things fixing the generator that is. Sitting out in our backyard that isn’t working. And we have this little fountain in our backyard too.

[00:04:25] Rita Black: It’s a teeny tiny Moroccan fountain. It’s very pretty, but it’s tiny. But the motor doesn’t work anymore. And I was like, honey, now that I have his honey do list. And, yeah, he’s going down that very slowly, I have to say. But anyway, I’ve been working steadily on a upcoming one day online binge free retreat that I am hosting this coming Saturday, July 19th, 2025.

[00:04:57] Rita Black: And in working on everything,

[00:05:00] this this retreat, which I am really looking forward to. I have been thinking about the self-abuse that goes along with the binge cycle, and we will be working on this in the retreat, but we’ve also been talking about these limiting beliefs and vicious ways of communicating with ourselves and my membership.

[00:05:23] Rita Black: And it’s been in the zeitgeist, the whole self-doubt, self-abuse that can persist even when we’re doing well. I must be frank and say it’s not when we’re, getting off track, but also when we’re doing well, the doubt in ourselves, the disbelief that the doing well is going to continue.

[00:05:44] Rita Black: I wanted to bring back an episode that I recorded a little while ago and over, well over a year ago. But it’s a good episode on breaking self-abuse and seven steps to break this weight, self-abuse. And since we are in the zone, to speak and I’ll say something, before we get into it the summer’s an interesting time.

[00:06:11] Rita Black: I find I, I talk about it every summer because every summer. It that this lack of structure, the way that we were, way more social during the the summer months or the warmer months, I will say because my friends in Australia and down under there are. I guess their summer months are warm too.

[00:06:34] Rita Black: They qualify December though as summer. I it’s a, it’s,

[00:06:40] crazy upside down universe, when we’re flipping over northern and southern hemispheres. But anyway, in the warmer months when culturally we let go a little bit things aren’t as structured. We are traveling, we are going out and being with friends.

[00:06:59] Rita Black: I see the self-abuse kicking up because we’re out of that structure. That kind of reminds us that we’re on track and doing well, and just, it, having that lack of structure seems to kick up this kind of fuzzy self abuse because things feel a little more chaotic because we don’t have that.

[00:07:20] Rita Black: Sort of mental and external structure that we do the rest of the year. I find that very interesting and I thought that was another reason why I wanted to bring this episode in today. And if you please join us this weekend, this Saturday. Oh my gosh. It is be, I’m really thrilled about this.

[00:07:39] Rita Black: It’s I said, a one day online retreat from 8:30 AM to 3:00 PM. Pacific time that you can really, we’re really look at, do a deep dive where it’s be a number of hypnosis sessions and closed ey meditations processing. We’re have Rocio my community manager leading us through a tapping.

[00:08:04] Rita Black: Tapping episode and and there’ll be a lot of coaching and break, being able to get into groups with people. it’s be a great time and if you cannot make it, but are still interested, I’ve priced it. It’s, you

[00:08:20] can still get in. I’m keeping it at a very reasonable rate to, that people can afford to come.

[00:08:26] Rita Black: And even if you can’t come, it’s affordable to enroll because the recording, the, we’re make it into a program and then you’ll also have that lifetime access to the program and the rate that we’re going to be letting people enroll in it after is going to go up. it’s still, probably the most affordable it will be.

[00:08:51] Rita Black: if you are interested. At all. It, you can save a hundred dollars and that’s more than half the price of the day. Go to www. shiftweightmastery. com/binge free. That’s www. shiftweightmastery. com/binge. Free to reserve your spot, or you can find the link in the show notes. And now let’s look at self-abuse around weight.

[00:09:19] Rita Black: And dive in.

[00:09:24] Rita Black: I think sometimes when we’ve struggled with weight, we can become scarred emotionally from abuse from others. Definitely. I can remember one time my brother had this wonderful saying it he would, he always was poking fun at my weight, but I remember specifically one rainy. Seattle afternoon when we were bored because we didn’t have things games, video games, and phones or distractions.

[00:09:52] Rita Black: we had to create our own fun. And we used to, we had this cassette recorder and my brother, my sister, and I

[00:10:00] would do. Funny little weird skits and record them a radio station. And my brother, who was the DJ called it KFA, KFAT, from Seattle. And he said that I was. The station’s owner.

[00:10:17] Rita Black: definitely I, people poking fun at me from within my home. But I also and something that I think you guys can all relate to, if you had mothers who were critical of your weight, my mother was overweight, but she could. Look at me in a particular way, or look at my thighs or touch me in a particular way and roll her eyes or make a look without being too verbally abusive, but letting me know that I think at one point she said, your thighs are as wide as mine.

[00:10:48] Rita Black: And I know many of you probably had parents who were critical of your weight. I certainly know this from seeing many clients and hearing horrible stories of criticism. From our parents. Having to put all these feelings and emotions in a place, especially as an adolescent, when you don’t really have the skills, the coping skills, and the emotional maturity that you have as adult.

[00:11:12] Rita Black: It’s hard enough as an adult, but it’s much more imprinting. When our brains are young and vulnerable, our subconscious mind is open wide to, latch onto limiting beliefs and ideas about ourselves. I remember one time, I’ll tell you this last time, because you might get a little kick out of it.

[00:11:30] Rita Black: It’s horrific, but at the same time, I have to laugh. I really loved to dance and I took dance lessons despite being the biggest girl in

[00:11:40] the room. And my mom was smart and enrolled me in modern dance, which was, at the time, I wasn’t. Going to be a Twiggy ballerina, but modern dance was, you could have a little more muscle and a little more heft, and it was more acceptable, I, she, I did modern dance for a while, and then there, I wanted to be in our high school musicals, and I actually was in every single musical, and I always wanted to play a leading role. And in my voice was. . my singing voice was , but I really liked dance and I actually, got cast as the dancer.

[00:12:14] Rita Black: I was always put in the back of the chorus, in the very behind because I was also tall. But we did west side story. I really wanted to be Anita. But of course the role went to, that’s Maria’s sister if west Side story. But anyway, she’s gets to sing. I’d to be in America and she’s a sassy woman.

[00:12:32] Rita Black: And I thought I did a really good acting audition. But anyway, I didn’t get the role. I got the role of a dancer. I. And I remember us, and this was humiliating, but we all had to dance. We had to learn dance. The specific, a very specific type of dance that was k a swing dance where the guys would lift the girls up over their head and do all these kind of fancy things.

[00:12:54] Rita Black: We, we took our musicals very seriously at our high school. There was a, that we were known for putting on good shows and we had a very serious choreographer and I remember. They paired me up with this skinny little guy who was probably half my height and I towered over him and I was twice as wide as he was.

[00:13:14] Rita Black: And I remember they were like, guys, grab the girl by the waist and

[00:13:20] lift her up over your head. And he couldn’t do it. And he, it was embarrassing enough that he couldn’t do it. But then he had to make a big hold scene about how fat I was and how he couldn’t lift me up over his head.

[00:13:33] Rita Black: That’s my recollection of West Side Story. Again, it, we all have our stories. In fact they had a nickname for me, which was Dancing Bear. Everybody called me that. I was the Dancing Bear ’cause I was a dancer, but I was a teddy bear, according to all my friends, and they didn’t mean it in a cruel way, but of course my wounds run deep.

[00:13:56] Rita Black: when I go back to Seattle, I not anymore, but in the first years of going back to Seattle after I left, I always wanted to show them. I always wanted to show them, I’ll show you. I’ll be thin, I’ll be successful. You’ll see that you were wrong to be mean to me.

[00:14:12] Rita Black: And I think anybody who struggled with their weight has that fantasy or had has nursed that fantasy at some point in their life. And I remember going back to my, I my 10th and my 10th reunion. I was living in London at the time and I couldn’t, I don’t think I could afford to come back. But I went back to my 20th reunion and I remember I was steeled, because I had, it was right around the time that I had, it wasn’t right around the time I lost weight. I had kept my weight off for about five years at the point, I’m trying to remember my timeline, but I definitely wasn’t worried about my weight. I was at my ideal weight and I remember walking into this event.

[00:14:53] Rita Black: I, I believe it was we do this. Big event, but we do event the night before and everybody’s

[00:15:00] wow, Rita, you’ve been away for long and we haven’t seen you. And oh my gosh, you look amazing. And people were kind and it was lovely to see everybody. But I re really remember this feeling of almost fighting ghosts, if I feel there was much. Anxiety and pressure within me to prove myself. And as I got into conversations with people, especially the people who I had equated with my weight struggle, people who had called me Dancing Bear, who people maybe had poked fun in me or guys who had done the old, I’m.

[00:15:37] Rita Black: Dating your best friend, and now I’m date you that your best, your best friend will be jealous. They were the loveliest people in the world. They, we had such nice conversations and I, it was weird because I left that event and I still felt I was fighting something. I, it was I had buried some ghosts, definitely in that room.

[00:15:57] Rita Black: I left. Some pain behind me seeing that I was an equal, that I was, a human being along with all these other human beings. And of course it was lovely to see people from my past. I was very fortunate to go to a great high school full of beautiful, warm people, truly. But I realized as I left there, those ghosts weren’t in that room as much as they were.

[00:16:22] Rita Black: Inside me and I realized that much the pain that I went through during high school, it, maybe it started outside of me, but it definitely had gotten pulled inside of me and it was now these ghosts were the ghosts of my

[00:16:40] own creation. That telling me I wasn’t enough. Telling me I was never measure up.

[00:16:45] Rita Black: That, still feeling lesser than all those people in the room, even though I could rationally say I measure up or had been successful to a certain degree. as far as successful in life, I had a beautiful husband. I had a beautiful child. I, I had, I was. Starting to do the work that I’m doing here with you.

[00:17:05] Rita Black: I was in a good place. There was much good going on in my life, and yet there was a part of me that felt I was up against something and that there was this big void and I couldn’t place it. And I really. Thought about it a lot and I really started to see how much of that ghost was this really harsh, inner critic that we always talk about, that self abusive relationship.

[00:17:31] Rita Black: It’s almost a trauma almost. A-P-T-S-D that I had from that time in my life that was not only external circumstances, but really this internal life that where I was vicious with myself and then that carried on through my twenties and into my early thirties before I began my own shift.

[00:17:51] Rita Black: Yeah. when we struggle with weight, we abuse ourselves and we keep ourselves from really knowing that we. Are not enough. We that keeping ourselves from really knowing that we are enough right now, for those of you who’ve worked for me, I have a saying which is love yourself down the scale.

[00:18:11] Rita Black: And why is that important? I see many. People struggling with their weight, and we really become very vulnerable

[00:18:20] when we lose the weight in order to love ourselves. Puts this in a vulnerable position to lose weight as quickly as possible. we glom onto these horrible diets or unsustainable diets in the name of I’ll love myself when I’m get these 10 pounds off and I can’t fill these rolls of fat, or 20 pounds off or 30 pounds off.

[00:18:39] Rita Black: And then maybe. Then I will be good enough and be fit enough and be enough to love myself. But we all know really deep down that the work we need to do with loving ourselves begins now how many people I’ve seen release 20 pounds, 30 pounds, 40 pounds, get to their ideal weight, and because they weren’t doing this work of.

[00:19:06] Rita Black: Really being with themselves and communicating with themselves in a more powerful way. Then they get to their ideal weight and it’s not enough, and they either feel disappointed oh, I was supposed to turn into a butterfly, and then they start gaining weight. Or they try to lose more weight because they feel I’m not thin enough and if I lose more weight, then I’ll absolutely then I’ll be able to love myself five pounds less.

[00:19:31] Rita Black: I also think that there’s that inner critic part of us. That really believes that if our inner critic led up on us, didn’t abuse us, dentals, we were lazy, didn’t tell us you better lose some of this weight or, stop eating that sugar part, I believe really thinks that if we let up on ourselves that we would be this, we would go

[00:20:00] off on an eating rampage, that we would be uncontrollable.

[00:20:04] Rita Black: I really believe our inner critic, this part of us that is vicious, controlling that really makes us feel we aren’t enough, is really acting vicious, not out of the joy and pleasure of being vicious, but really out of a deep fear. A deep fear that somehow because we don’t measure up, because we are this uncontrollable beast, that is not only not , but that we will absolutely be shunned.

[00:20:41] Rita Black: From the cave, our, in our cavemen primitive mind that we will be that we will be excommunicated or, sent off to be outside the village because we are not enough. And we are not . And if anybody really knew how not , we were, that would be unforgivable and we would definitely be taken outside the village.

[00:21:03] Rita Black: I forget what the word for that is right now. But I’m love myself enough to be with the fact that word is escaping my tip of my tongue. I’ll come up with it in a moment, but it is that word for taking somebody outside and shipping them away. I know it, I’m not worry about it.

[00:21:22] Rita Black: when we struggle with our weight, we develop this inner critic and I said, very vicious, more vicious than we would be with any other person or dare be with any other person in our life, even our worst enemy. We criticize our

[00:21:40] behavior, we criticize our body, we criticize our lives and how we live it.

[00:21:44] Rita Black: I’ve been doing a lot of work this month. I am sorry, not this month, but last month in the month of August with my monthly Mastery group. We, it was basically the theme of the month was love yourself down the scale. we did a lot of work on loving our bodies and loving ourselves. And what really was very surprising is I worked with such an amazing group of people and very generous with each other in the group, but the, what they say coming out of their mouths about how they feel about themselves.

[00:22:14] Rita Black: They’re all working on themselves beautifully, how we feel about our bodies, how we feel about our body parts. We really looked at our body parts. It was unbelievable how negative and down on ourselves that we can be. It’s just, it’s resonating strongly with me, one, because of the reunion, the two, because coming out of this month, we did that.

[00:22:35] Rita Black: A body love challenge and it was really interesting ’cause we all had to work on different parts of our bodies. I chose my neck crepe because I’m getting crepey neck skin and other people chose, I didn’t even know the things called arm wings. I know what I. These things look under your arms, but I didn’t know they, they were called wings.

[00:22:54] Rita Black: I thought that was really interesting. What, some people chose their belly, some people chose their butts, but we had to really embrace that body part and I’m get into a little exercise that you can use too that will really shift your relationship with any particular body part that you struggle with.

[00:23:10] Rita Black: But yeah, our critic really. Goes at it relentlessly, and add it over and over again, and that it becomes a negative pattern,

[00:23:20] thought loop and a self-criticism loop. And again it feels we are trapped in this room with this very vicious and critical person, very abusive.

[00:23:30] Rita Black: How did we get critical? we are born into a ru, a world of very high expectations of who you need to be in order to be loved, don’t we? We have our families expectations. A lot of families have expectations of what we should look like, what we should act like, what we should, how smart we should be, how productive we should be.

[00:23:55] Rita Black: We have our parents’ fears, I mentioned some of my mother’s. Fears, I think, because she was obese, she didn’t want me to be obese, and again, it came from a place of absolute love, but her fear manifested itself in ways that made me feel smaller and not enough. I can’t blame her, but I, I can see how many people are impacted from their parents’ opinions and, then the media, right?

[00:24:23] Rita Black: I grew up in the seventies and. And the eighties, which were really skinny decades. The aesthetic was really thin and not, you could never be too thin, right? Never too thin. Never too rich. That was the saying. I think the aesthetic has changed, but we compare ourselves. Still, I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who look back at pictures of themselves when they were a girl, maybe in the seventies, in the sixties, and they see themselves and they say to me, I can’t believe how beautiful I was, but I thought I was a fat pig.

[00:24:58] Rita Black: And I look

[00:25:00] back and I see I wasn’t fat at all. Maybe I wasn’t super skinny my friends, but I wasn’t. There was nothing that was fat or chunk me chunky, but I felt an elephant in the room. And I can relate because I felt absolutely the same. But, and at the time, we were steeped in this media culture of ultra thin women, the fashion world, the clothes don’t fit or they.

[00:25:25] Rita Black: Make us look and feel dumpy, especially now that they have some fashions that actually are embracing, or the fashion world is embracing bigger sizes and curvy women, which is amazing. But, a lot of us didn’t grow up in that time. We grew up in the world of Lane Bryant, of the world of, having to not even shop in a normal.

[00:25:48] Rita Black: Store and having to go to big plus size stores and that shame and humiliation. I remember looking for dresses for dances, and I couldn’t get into any of the teenage girl clothes that my friends were looking at. I had to go into the women’s section where things were a lot more dumpy, especially in the seventies and the eighties.

[00:26:12] Rita Black: It was the seventies. Yeah. Yeah. Eighties was college, and that was hard enough. But yeah, the seventies was tough. we really develop, and then we have jobs, we have friends we get this. Limiting belief view from many places. And then we develop this very critical lens within with, through which we see ourselves.

[00:26:34] Rita Black: And it’s really driven by this fear that we are not enough, this

[00:26:40] fear that are going to be ostracized from our lives, our communities, our friends, if we’re be rejected. And this. Part of us develops in a way to protect us, to make us live up to these standards and to conform and be good.

[00:26:58] Rita Black: But these high expectations in these false standards create this very abusive relationship that we have with ourselves. And it’s almost there’s a part of us that shuts down after a while. We have this big evidence. Folder of things that we do wrong. I do this exercise with clients.

[00:27:18] Rita Black: Sometimes I’m, I say to them, what’s, what’s in that evidence folder that you’re not enough? And they’ll start to list all these things and I’ll say, , let’s look at that other evidence folder of you are enough. And they’re like, I can’t really think of anything. But yes, in that evidence folder is you’re a failure and.

[00:27:39] Rita Black: We bring that with us every time to every situation we go into, every diet we go on, we go into our weight loss attempts with, I’m not good enough. I can’t be controlled, I can’t be restricted. because we believe that on a subconscious level, any attempt at really releasing weight or getting healthier, some, a lot of times.

[00:28:06] Rita Black: Is a disintegrated because we have this deep underlying belief and we give up on ourselves really easily, hoping will be perfect one day. I think that’s the illusion of the critic, is that I’m going to work

[00:28:20] harder at making you conform. I’m make you work harder at the gym. I’m make you eat less food.

[00:28:26] Rita Black: No sugar for you? No. No white foods for you? No. No, nothing for you. No. Food for you. Water only. Horrible drinks, horrible boxed food. You must conform and you must lose weight and you must be loved this way. A cruel voice, and it’s a repeated cognitive loop over and over again. Not very creative.

[00:28:54] Rita Black: The way we talk to about to ourselves in this way and. We put ourselves in clothes that cut off our circulation. Now we put ourselves in these tight. I remember my mother, oh my gosh. Now we have Spanx, but which I think are a little kinder, but they’re still really tight. Or we wear these tight pants and the tight waistband cuts into us.

[00:29:21] Rita Black: I remember. Cutting off my circulation, almost wearing pants, trying. I fit into the jeans lying on the back of bed, that my stomach wasn’t as big and zipping them up and then standing up and then spending the whole night in discomfort. But my mom would get, had these girdles, man, these were, 1960s girdles that she would heave herself into, and it was uncomfortable for her to be in.

[00:29:47] Rita Black: I remember her taking them off and having these deep. Welts in her skin. Ugh. And I know she hated herself much for it, she would yell at herself in the kitchen.

[00:30:00] how do we begin to break this? How do we start to separate ourselves out from this voice? Because the problem is that we believe. This voice, right?

[00:30:11] Rita Black: This voice isn’t, oh, I’m listening to my inner critic. This voice is the water we swim in. This is our reality. This is the way, this is what we hear, and the only thing we hear. in a weird way, it’s we’re in an abusive relationship and we’re stuck in this almost a, an abusive relationship with a partner cycle.

[00:30:38] Rita Black: the first step to separate ourselves out and start to get some power back from this is to get conscious. Be conscious about how you abuse yourself. The pain, the good news is that the way you abuse yourself isn’t incredibly creative. I said, it’s boring. It’s the you abuse yourself, in laughable, the same ways you always abuse yourself.

[00:31:02] Rita Black: When I started to get conscious to the way I abused myself. I was shocked at how, I would say the same thing over and over again. And I started to laugh at it. I was you. That’s all you got. It’s mean, it’s really mean, but it’s not very creative. Oh you’re fat, you’re lazy, you’re never get this, you’re never lose all the weight you’re eating that you blew it, this, what? That’s all you got, you’re give it. But separate your start to observe it. The restrictions, the way you

[00:31:40] restrict yourself. No sugar for you, no coffee for you. You are going to, you’re pull it together on Monday. two, start to become aware of the relationship with yourself that you do want.

[00:31:58] Rita Black: What would that look like? when people are in abusive relationships, these are the first two steps. They say, get conscious of how that other person is abusing you. And then they say, start to create an idea of how you would to be treated. What kind of relationship do you want to be in? The same applies to us.

[00:32:26] Rita Black: What relationship? Do we be with ourselves now? I remember when I first started doing this work with myself, I remember I said if I could change one thing, it would be the way I speak to myself when I first wake up in the morning, because that was the worst time of day for me. Oh boy. I would wake up after, binging and be like, he love you.

[00:32:53] Rita Black: Did it last night. Why did you do it? You were doing good and then you were like, you’re like, you went to town. You over ate and I could feel the food in my belly. I would just, you’re never, ever going to work this out. That was my fear. It was going to keep going. For the rest of my life and that voice, that negative loop, would really

[00:33:20] make me feel I was almost, I had ropes around me.

[00:33:23] Rita Black: I felt such a prisoner of this situation. for me, my vision was to wake up into loving thoughts of myself and loving thoughts of my life. what I started to do was to be grateful in the morning. that’s what I did. I would write out a gratitude list and I would have it by the bed, and I would read it over.

[00:33:47] Rita Black: When I woke up in the morning, started speaking to myself in a critical fashion, I would get out my gratitude list. I’m grateful for my husband. I’m grateful for my. Where I live, I’m grateful that I have a roof over my head. I am grateful that I have a body, that I’m alive. I’m grateful for my parents. I would have a list of things that I was grateful for, and then I would write about things that I was be grateful for in the future.

[00:34:16] Rita Black: I’m grateful that I stayed focused, that I moved my body lovingly every day. And those gratitudes, those future gratitudes really were helpful for me to start to get my mind wrapped around what I wanted to do in a really positive way. And interestingly enough, I was speaking about this with my group and I’m starting to have them do it, is I had them start writing out their gratitude list and then recording that.

[00:34:42] Rita Black: It’s very helpful. It’s a wonderful way, and this is what I do in the morning now, and I listen to it and I always wake up into some positive vibes. Some, I always wake up, I should say self-hypnosis. It’s, I record. Where I grateful for where I am and grateful for where I’m going.

[00:35:00] that is something I really envisioned myself, and then I started to work through that for myself.

[00:35:07] Rita Black: You see what I’m saying? where is it that you, what is that relationship with yourself now? I attacked one area, my worst area, and I started from there and I worked. Worked out into my life, but I want you to start to create a vision of the relationship with yourself that you want. We know what we don’t want, but we rarely think about what is it you want?

[00:35:31] Rita Black: What is the relationship with yourself that you want? ? And you can have that relationship now, by the way. Not when waiting until you’re thin. I think that’s the mistake most people make, is they think, oh, I’m wait. Until I’m thin and then that relationship will naturally come. It ain’t, it will not come naturally.

[00:35:53] Rita Black: You have to really cultivate, create it in your mind, and then start to work towards it Now, number three. You make that decision to stop, to say, look, I am fed up. I am mad as hell and I’m not take it anymore. Those of you who remember that movie, I’m mad as hell and I’m not take this anymore.

[00:36:13] Rita Black: I’m not listen to this inner critic anymore. I am not going to. I’m leave this house of abuse. And I want you to recognize this is a recovery journey. It really is. And you need a new house to go to. You need a house of self-compassion. , in the shift, one of the things that we do, and you can do this right now, I.

[00:36:39] Rita Black: Is

[00:36:40] you can create what I call your shift space, and it’s a place in your mind, and this is what I would call your health house of self-compassion. You can imagine this is a beautiful place of your own design and choosing. Maybe you can go ahead and take a nice deep breath in and close your eyes if, unless you’re driving a car and just.

[00:37:01] Rita Black: Take a moment and think about a really beautiful, relaxing place in nature. Maybe it’s a country meadow with beautiful wild flowers, or maybe it’s a beach with the waves lapping gently on the shore. Chore, the warm breezes caressing your skin, or maybe it’s a mountain. Alpine mountain or a mountain hike, maybe under trees and it’s shady, or maybe it’s a tropical forest with a little lagoon on the edge.

[00:37:42] Rita Black: Maybe it’s a beautiful room of your own design and choosing whatever it is you’re creating this place where you come to seek refuge and to create a shift in your life. I. And now stay here with me for a moment, and I’d you to imagine seeing yourself in that shift place. And I’d you to step outside of yourself and observe yourself in that shift place.

[00:38:14] Rita Black: Maybe imagine you’re relaxing there in a hammock or laying on the beach

[00:38:20] and you are observing yourself. As a loving companion. I want you to think about the, you friends or family that you love, that you, I. The way that you speak with them, the way that you want the best for them. I want you to observe yourself and see yourself in the same way you would one of your children or your best friends, or even an animal companion.

[00:38:49] Rita Black: the tenderness and the love and the compassion that you have for that other person. And in fact, I’d you in this. Shift place to tenderly. touch your own cheek. reach down and imagine you’re touching the cheeks, tenderly wow, I really appreciate you and love you.

[00:39:16] Rita Black: And as you’re going, as you’re doing that, I want you to think of yourself as now the guardian and the advocate. For yourself. it’s almost you’re both, you and I call it the coach, but you can call it the compassionate guide. Whatever you feels right, right now, the nurturing parent, and touch your cheek in this shift place.

[00:39:45] Rita Black: And I’d you to whisper to that You, I am going to take care of you.

[00:39:53] Rita Black: You are good enough. You are

[00:40:00] worthy.

[00:40:04] Rita Black: You have a right to take up space in this world.

[00:40:12] Rita Black: You are on your journey of being healthy and happy.

[00:40:22] Rita Black: And go ahead and say anything else to this you that you would to let them know that they’re , as they are. anything loving you say to yourself, go ahead and say it now.

[00:40:45] Rita Black: Good. Now, once you create this inner space of refuge, your shift place, you maybe can look at your abuser with some compassion to understand that your inner critic comes from fear and comes from being grossly misinformed. Your inner critic took all of this information from the outside world and internalized it and is really acting out of protection, but has it all wrong.

[00:41:20] Rita Black: You may not be able to forgive, but this allows you some space in this relationship with this abuser. To heal. Here’s something else, and it’s really radical, and you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but this is crazy and it’s cool. I didn’t make this up, but get

[00:41:40] this and this is something that you can do with yourself, but I’d you to try this on, is to sit down with a piece of paper and be your inner critic.

[00:41:51] Rita Black: And have your inner critic apologize to you, but write it out because this really gets you in your body, this in your body. you could say things like, I apologize for calling you fat and undisciplined. Imagine how radical that is to have this aspect of you apologize to you, and to really go through that process.

[00:42:15] Rita Black: I am sorry I called you lazy. You work very hard at improving. I’m sorry. I didn’t respect you. Do you see how powerful that can be? Try that on and see what you think. , now number five. become aware of that. Now that you’re becoming aware of that critical loop, that was another step. I want you to start to self-advocate, to start to break it up and say, stop.

[00:42:50] Rita Black: I don’t say that anymore. for instance, if that critical part of you said you blew it, you ate that junk food use. This is my favorite, and maybe you’ve heard me say this before. I’m say it again. Use the term I am moving in the direction. Of moving the direction is a wonderful term to use for your subconscious mind because it’s not an affirmation.

[00:43:14] Rita Black: It’s not saying, I am eating healthy, but I’m moving in the direction of eating healthy.

[00:43:20] That opens up your subconscious mind because if you’re not quite there yet, your mind, your subconscious mind isn’t buy it. But if you’re saying, I’m moving in the direction, it can buy that, it will take that on.

[00:43:31] Rita Black: But I sometimes, I really love that idea of stop. I don’t say that anymore. I say I am moving in the direction of making healthier choices or stop. I don’t say that anymore. Stop is a great word. You don’t have to be mean about it. You’re saying, stop. We don’t do that. Stop. Stop. I don’t say that anymore.

[00:43:54] Rita Black: It’s making a cognitive. What you’re doing is really, it’s a little. You can take a breath when you’re saying it too. It’s a little mini, it’s a karate chop you are and making an incision in that old loop. it’s almost you’re cutting through that loop and it, you’re cutting right through it by saying, stop and time stops and your brain stops when you say that.

[00:44:16] Rita Black: Stop. I don’t say that anymore. I say I’m moving in the direction of making healthier choices. Stop. I don’t say that anymore. I’m moving in the direction of taking care of stress in ways other than food. you’re stopping and you’re refocusing on where you are going. , six. Let’s talk about our body language.

[00:44:42] Rita Black: I , I want you to start advocating for your body as well and pick one part this week, pick a part right now. What’s the part of your body that makes you feel the worst, cringe the most that you would hide it? For me, it used to be my thighs, Lee. When we did our body love in our monthly

[00:45:00] mastery group, it was my neck crepe and I can’t believe how many other women in our group felt the same about their neck crepe.

[00:45:07] Rita Black: last year we worked on it and I worked on my bunions, which I have. There’s always a part we can work on. There’s never, we never run outta parts, and I always feel better about that part. It’s such a loving thing to do. pick a body part and start to touch it every day lovingly. And I want you to rename that body part.

[00:45:28] Rita Black: My thighs were fat, chunky, disgusting. I came up with some better words. Now, I didn’t say my thighs were thin because they weren’t, and then I didn’t say my thighs were, gorgeous. But I, it has to be a word that gives your body part respect, but also something that you can really embrace wholeheartedly with all of yourself.

[00:45:55] Rita Black: what did I, my body part, my crepey neck. I said that it was, I said it was witty and I said it was wise, and I said it was sensuous. here are some words that you might use and you can please feel free. People are very creative when they start thinking about this long, strong, shapely, vibrant, lovely, pretty sexy, presidential, royal, spiritual goddess.

[00:46:26] Rita Black: whimsical, proud, witty. Generous, statuesque, modern, toned, ripe, sensuous, handsome,

[00:46:40] bodacious, voluptuous, Olympic wise. see what you can come up with for your body parts and have fun. And seven, start to observe all that you do that is powerful, and put that in your evidence folder that you are capable and enough for instance.

[00:47:00] Rita Black: I went for a walk today, even when I didn’t want to. We’re very quick to point out. We were talking about this in my group. We’re quick to point out what we didn’t do right. I. And when we do something right, we’re very quick to move on from it and minimize it it didn’t matter. Our brain will just, oh yeah, I did that.

[00:47:23] Rita Black: Yeah. . Let’s forget about that. Let’s move on. What’s not working now? I. we hold on to what we did. We hold on to what we’re doing. We even hold on to those moments where we feel good. We put them in that evidence folder that life is good, we’re enough that we do positive and healthy things.

[00:47:45] Rita Black: I can assure you right now you’re probably. 60 to 80% of what you’re doing is powerful and positive. You’re not seeing it. wake up to all those powerful things you are doing on a daily basis and put them in that evidence folder. The more you call attention to them, the more you will see them and the more you will start to see more that you do.

[00:48:07] Rita Black: I swear. please do start doing that. I stopped after a couple of bites of dessert. And I noticed it was enough. Put that in your evidence folder. All right,

[00:48:20] now I’m wrestle my papers ’cause I’ve got some notes here. And I’m review really quickly what you do to start to break up this relationship.

[00:48:32] Rita Black: And start to have a more powerful relationship. number one, get, get conscious and observe how you abuse yourself and the restrictions, the negative loops. And two, you start to become aware of the relationship. You do want to have three and make the decision to stop this whole thing that fed up.

[00:48:53] Rita Black: And then four, start to cultivate that shift place, that beautiful relaxing place, that inner refuge you can go to. Take a breath and enter in there when you’re feeling anxious, stressed, and need some self love, and really tune into that inner guide, that inner coach. That can touch your face and have compassion for you that can be your own best advocate.

[00:49:19] Rita Black: Have that inner critic. Write an apology to you. What the hell? Why the hell not? Come on Life is short. Get that. That apology outta that inner critic before it’s too late. Five. Become aware and hear the critical loop of your negative self speak and stop it. Stop. I don’t say that anymore. And advocate.

[00:49:41] Rita Black: Advocate. Be your own best lawyer. Get in there and or be your own best friend. Stop that bully on the playground in its tracks. We don’t say that anymore. We say this and then tune into that body part that you have some love for and start. Give it a new

[00:50:00] name and observe all that you do. That is powerful, healthy.

[00:50:06] Rita Black: All that you do in your day, there’s much that you do that is wonderful and powerful. Put it in that evidence folder. Please, that you are enough. I hope this episode served you and thank you again for being here and coming here every week. Again, I am sitting in my gratitude here in the middle of the summer, and if you would to join me this coming Saturday, if it’s, if you’re listening to this and you’re available to come, or even if you don’t come and you get the recording and the, all the hypnosis and all the goodness from the retreat.

[00:50:43] Rita Black: Please head on over to www. shiftweightmastery. com/binge. That’s www shift weight mastery. com/binge. I’m sorry, binge free to reserve your spot or visit the show notes. The link will be there, and even if you’re listening to this after that weekend please visit the show notes the link to enroll and get.

[00:51:09] Rita Black: Into the program online is also there. Have an amazing week and remember that the key and probably the only key to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you. keep listening and find it, and I will be here with you next week. Thanks for listening to The Thin Thinking Podcast. Did that episode go by way too fast for you?

[00:51:36] Rita Black: If so, and you dive deeper into the mindset of

[00:51:40] long-term weight release, head on over to www shift weight mastery. com. That’s www shift weight mastery. com, where you’ll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release tips, strategies, and more. And be sure to ch.