[00:00:00] Have you ever felt like your nighttime snacking has a mind of its own?

[00:00:05] Like one minute you’re perfectly fine, and the next minute you’re standing in the kitchen opening cupboards, looking for a little something, something, even though you’re not really hungry.

[00:00:16] If so, welcome back, my friend. You are exactly in the right place.

[00:00:21] This is part two of our night eating series.

[00:00:24] And in part one, we looked at why evening cravings can feel so powerful and why your willpower gets tired, why old patterns kick in, and why the brain can start associating nighttime with reward, relief, and finally, it’s my time.

[00:00:42] But today, we are gonna go one layer deeper because breaking the night eating cycle isn’t about just taking the snacks away and locking the pantry or trying to white-knuckle your way through the evening like some sort of snack-deprived superhero.

[00:00:56] No, no.

[00:00:57] No, thank you.

[00:00:59] Today, we [00:01:00] are shifting the focus from stopping night eating to creating an evening that you actually love, an evening that helps you unwind, reconnect, relax, and feel cared for without needing food to do all that emotional heavy lifting.

[00:01:18] The opportunity is learning how to give yourself what you truly need in a way that leaves you feeling light, peaceful, proud, and in the driver’s seat when your head hits the pillow.

[00:01:29] So in today’s episode, we are gonna talk about how to forgive yourself for your night eating patterns, how to understand what those patterns have been trying to give you, and how to begin remodeling your evenings into something more nourishing, more satisfying, and much more aligned with your weight mastery journey.

[00:01:49] Because you are not the problem to be fixed.

[00:01:52] You are a powerful person with a brain that has learned a pattern, and patterns can be shifted.

[00:01:58] So put your feet up, [00:02:00] get cozy, and come on in.

[00:02:02] Let’s talk about how to take back your nights.

[00:02:05] Did you know that our struggle with weight doesn’t start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym?

[00:02:11] 80% of our weight struggle is mental.

[00:02:15] That’s right, the key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind.

[00:02:22] Hi there.

[00:02:23] I’m Rita Black.

[00:02:24] I’m a clinical hypnotherapist, weight loss expert, best-selling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process.

[00:02:32] And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery, I am also a former weight struggler, carb addict, and binge eater.

[00:02:43] And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40 pounds with the help of hypnosis.

[00:02:51] Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years.

[00:02:56] Enter the Thin Thinking podcast, where you too [00:03:00] will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling.

[00:03:04] I’ll give you the thin thinking tools, skills, and insights to help you develop the mindset you need not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long term and live your best life.

[00:03:19] Hello, hello, hello, you.

[00:03:22] Come in and set down your weary load.

[00:03:27] Put your feet up on that coffee table.

[00:03:30] Go on.

[00:03:31] I don’t mind.

[00:03:33] I’m gonna do it too.

[00:03:36] You know, we have a neighbor who is crazy enough to be building a swimming pool in his backyard.

[00:03:42] Yep, he is actually making it.

[00:03:45] Yep, DIY, literally doing most of the work himself.

[00:03:50] So he has been taking a long time, and his poor wife, every time I see her and I ask her, “How’s it coming?”

[00:03:59] She [00:04:00] rolls her eyes.

[00:04:01] Maybe by the time the kids go to college.

[00:04:03] Oh, and by the way, their children are toddlers.

[00:04:08] So the reason why I tell you this is the back gate is open because of the pool being built, and their dog has gotten in the habit of every day coming down to our house, scratching at the door, rushing past whoever opens the door, and eating our dog, Max’s, food, and then she settles in on our sofa, totally at home.

[00:04:30] Our neighbor is very strict with her, so he’s not only is building his own swimming pool with a shovel, but he is very strict with his dog, and so she is not allowed on the couch.

[00:04:44] But my husband loves to spoil her and to break all of her habits of discipline.

[00:04:51] And by the way, this dog’s name is Penny, and why I say that is I remember being like Penny, rushing through [00:05:00] my front door straight to the food at night, then crashing on the couch in a food coma.

[00:05:06] The way I would try to control myself and not do that is by taking away the food, which never worked.

[00:05:13] I would just always go and get more food to fill the void or end up eating weird food like, old crackers out of the back of the cupboard covered in jam or something like that.

[00:05:25] Isn’t that what we try to do, though, is just take the stuff away, and that is going about it all wrong.

[00:05:32] We have to dive deeper and come at this from a completely different perspective, and that is what we are gonna do tonight is come up with a plan for you.

[00:05:44] And not me, but I’m gonna start to give you some tools to start thinking about the night that you wanna create for yourself because I really feel the solution to the night eating challenge isn’t about taking it away, but it’s about creating something [00:06:00] new, something better, something that really truly takes care of you in the evening.

[00:06:05] Because our evenings should be a time to rejuvenate and unwind, but they shouldn’t be eating to numb, eating out for fun or out of boredom, and then ending up feeling bad, stressed, and anxious at the end of the night and going to bed maybe with food in our stomach, not getting a good night’s sleep.

[00:06:25] So it really Ultimately the challenges that the habits we have in place really don’t do what we think they’re gonna do, relax us, reward us.

[00:06:35] They actually take that away from us ultimately.

[00:06:40] So in order to start on this journey, I really believe the first tool is to believe that you can make this change.

[00:06:50] I think so often we make these half-hearted attempts, we try to stop, and we aren’t successful, so we sort of have a negative belief of [00:07:00] ourselves and our ability to make this change.

[00:07:03] And I want that to end all right now.

[00:07:06] I want you to know that you absolutely can create an evening you love, but you need to believe that you can.

[00:07:14] And even all of the attempts that you have maybe made and maybe didn’t follow through, the good news is they are all attempts that will add to your journey forward because you probably learned some things in those attempts.

[00:07:30] We can always look to our past in two ways.

[00:07:32] We can look at it as evidence that we will not succeed in the future that we’re not capable of succeeding, or we can look at the past and go, “Oh, wasn’t that all amazing experience that is gonna lead up to my finally solving the challenge,” right?

[00:07:47] So let’s let all of our past experiences with night eating lead up to a fabulous breakthrough that we are gonna create in our journey moving forward.

[00:07:59] And I feel [00:08:00] like the first part of believing in yourself is to forgive yourself.

[00:08:05] Like I said, we do a lot of beating up of ourselves at the end of the evening or the morning after, “Why did I do that last night?

[00:08:12] I didn’t wanna do it.

[00:08:13] I’m gonna be better tonight,” then we aren’t better tonight, yada, yada, yada.

[00:08:18] And we beat ourselves up and have a very negative viewpoint of ourselves, and we think we’re hopeless.

[00:08:25] So it’s not your fault.

[00:08:26] Let me remind you, it isn’t your fault, I assure you.

[00:08:30] And if you didn’t listen to the first episode, I really want you to go back and listen to it because if you do have a night eating challenge.

[00:08:38] In the first episode, I get into all the reasons why it’s really not your fault, and they’re all very valid reasons.

[00:08:44] So go give that a listen.

[00:08:47] You do have to forgive yourself, and you do have to get on your own team in order to believe in yourself.

[00:08:53] You can’t be against yourself.

[00:08:55] You can’t think negatively of yourself and really put yourself on any [00:09:00] transformational journey.

[00:09:01] You need to start from a place of, “I have value, I am worthy, I am smart, and I can figure this out.”

[00:09:07] So I believe in you.

[00:09:09] I know you can do this.

[00:09:10] And I had to forgive myself for letting my garden go to crap.

[00:09:14] Believe me, I have a lot of shame about that.

[00:09:17] I’d look at that and I’d say, “Better people than me would’ve-“

[00:09:21] Or people better than me would’ve gone out every weekend, and even though they had a lot of work, and even though they had two kids, they would’ve weeded their garden.

[00:09:30] They would’ve chopped down those trees that were those rogue trees that dared to grow in places that no other tree would grow.

[00:09:38] I am a bad person.

[00:09:39] I am… , I have, should have shame.

[00:09:41] You know, I look at my neighbors.

[00:09:42] When I first moved into our neighborhood, our neighborhood was just trash.

[00:09:46] It was such a beat-up neighborhood. It needed a lot of love.

[00:09:51] But over the years, a lot of people moved into the neighborhood gave it a lot of love, and it looks awesome.

[00:09:57] People work on their yards.

[00:09:58] They look lovely.[00:10:00]

[00:10:00] And our yard, it looked fine, but it was just a little too bushy, a little too overgrown, and I had a little neighborhood shame.

[00:10:08] So, I know I need to give myself my own inner coach for my garden, which I am cultivating.

[00:10:14] And now my husband and I are, like I said, we’re creating this brand-new fabulous garden I’m very excited about.

[00:10:20] It’s a drought-tolerant, English cottage garden. Very, I love English cottage, gardening, and we’re doing a drought-tolerant version.

[00:10:28] It’s really exciting. It’s a very fun project.

[00:10:30] But we had to have that vision.

[00:10:32] We had to kinda come up with it first and then get excited about it and then start to go implementing it.

[00:10:38] I had to get my critic out of my head and start this gardening project, and you need to get your critic out of your head and get that coach in your head and begin your, creating a powerful evening that allows you to release weight instead of consistently sabotage yourself.

[00:10:59] So [00:11:00] just humor me. I want you to repeat after me.

[00:11:04] “I forgive myself and my night eating pattern.”

[00:11:08] Just do it.

[00:11:09] Just do it even if you feel like it’s silly.

[00:11:11] Sometimes it’s silly things are what makes our brain stretch enough to really make a difference.

[00:11:17] So I’m gonna say this, and I’m just gonna have you repeat it after me powerfully in your…

[00:11:22] You don’t need to say it out loud, just powerfully in your own mind.

[00:11:25] “I forgive myself and my night eating pattern.”

[00:11:31] Good. And again, I forgive myself and my night eating pattern.

[00:11:40] And again, I forgive myself and my night eating pattern.

[00:11:49] All right, now another one.

[00:11:53] I believe I can create an evening that I love.[00:12:00]

[00:12:01] I believe I can create an evening that I love.

[00:12:11] I believe I can create an evening that I love

[00:12:21] Good. Now you are on your night eating remodeling team.

[00:12:26] Now the next tool is vision, and we did talk about vision in episode one, so I’m gonna just revisit this quick for people who weren’t here for episode one, but also to reinforce with you.

[00:12:37] I gave you some homework.

[00:12:39] I don’t know if you followed through with it, but I said to create a vision.

[00:12:43] Start to create a vision of how you want to go to bed at the end of the evening feeling.

[00:12:50] How did you want to feel at the end of your evening?

[00:12:54] I quoted Stephen Covey, who is the guru of The Seven Habits of [00:13:00] Highly Effective People or highly successful people, effective and successful.

[00:13:06] Begin with the end in mind.

[00:13:08] So in order to transform our evenings, I want you to start to really focus on how you wanna feel getting into bed at night.

[00:13:15] How do you wanna feel?

[00:13:17] Light, that you rejuvenated yourself, that you took care of yourself, and what is that gonna start to require? You know that your brain doesn’t really process don’t.

[00:13:27] “I don’t wanna do this.

[00:13:28] I don’t wanna do that.

[00:13:29] I don’t want a snack after dinner.

[00:13:31] I don’t wanna eat popcorn.

[00:13:33] I don’t want to reach in the cupboard and get the chocolate out.”

[00:13:37] Don’t, don’t, don’t.

[00:13:38] Brain doesn’t really hear it.

[00:13:39] It hears, “I wanna eat popcorn. I wanna have chocolate.”

[00:13:43] So we wanna focus on what we want to create not what we don’t wanna do.

[00:13:50] Okay? And again, we want to create and give ourselves something rather than this idea of slapping ourselves on the wrist and taking things away.[00:14:00]

[00:14:00] And you wanna create something that the brain says, “Wow, that would be really cool.”

[00:14:07] Like children, you can’t take a toy away from them unless you’re offering them something else.

[00:14:14] You know what I mean? Or if a child is wanting, tantruming and wanting something, your biggest and best bet with getting that child out of the tantrum is to say, “Over here. Look, this is really amazing, and look, this is gonna be so fantastic for you,” and you’re refocusing that child’s brain.

[00:14:33] You’re literally taking them out of an upset state and refocusing their brain on something that elevates their brain out of that tantrum mode, and that’s kind of what we have to do with our night eating.

[00:14:47] We’re saying, “Here, this route is actually gonna be… This option is gonna be so amazing for you. Look at that.”

[00:14:56] And then that’s the way that we dive into [00:15:00] this, is offering ourselves these newer options.

[00:15:04] Now, first of all, you probably understand that most of your night eating runs pretty much on automatic.

[00:15:10] You really don’t even night eat anymore.

[00:15:12] The night eating is eating you basically.

[00:15:16] It’s all running pretty much on automatic pilot below your consciousness.

[00:15:21] Most people’s night eating or snacking happens in a pattern of habits.

[00:15:26] Certain times, coming home, when we come home or certain times after dinner, certain situations, in front of the TV, in front of our computer, in the kitchen, out on our back patio, certain foods and drinks.

[00:15:42] For instance, one client, Bonnie, had a typical pattern I see a lot, and she told me, “Rita I eat dinner and it’s pretty healthy, and usually I’ve been pretty good most of the day.

[00:15:59] And then a half [00:16:00] hour later, when I’m watching TV with my husband, we have some ice cream as our treat.

[00:16:05] And we eat it just while we’re watching the TV, and then a little while later, after the first TV show is ending, and I’m not even hungry, but I start feeling hungry.

[00:16:18] My mouth starts watering, and I feel this hunger.

[00:16:21] I shouldn’t be hungry, but I kind of feel this hunger, and I’m not thinking about the TV anymore, and I’m thinking about popcorn.

[00:16:28] And I’m trying not to eat it. I’m trying not to eat the popcorn, but the urge just becomes overpowering, and I can’t focus, and I get up, and I make the popcorn.

[00:16:39] And I eat most of it while I watch the next TV show, and I’m not even really paying attention to the popcorn.

[00:16:46] I’m not even really paying attention to the TV show, the whole thing.

[00:16:50] I just eat the whole bag of the popcorn.

[00:16:53] So first it’s the ice cream, and then it’s the salty popcorn.

[00:16:59] And [00:17:00] then my husband goes to bed, and I’m all alone.

[00:17:04] And I feel like now that I’m alone, I need a little party in my mouth for me. I need something sweet.

[00:17:13] And usually what I reach for is the chocolate covered almonds because I say to myself,

[00:17:21] “Almonds are healthy.

[00:17:22] And dark chocolate, oh, it’s so healthy for you.

[00:17:24] All those healthy phytochemicals.

[00:17:27] So it’s okay. I’ll just eat a few.”

[00:17:30] But a few of those chocolate almonds ends up being a lot of chocolate almonds.

[00:17:36] And then by the end of the night, I’ve eaten way more than I needed.

[00:17:40] And this is the main reason that I yo-yo.

[00:17:44] It’s not my behaviors at all during the day. It’s everything is at night.

[00:17:48] And I don’t get anywhere with my weight loss, and the party isn’t so fun in my mouth anymore.

[00:17:54] I just feel gross and mad with myself.

[00:17:57] So if we looked at Bonnie’s night eating, we could [00:18:00] definitely see a pattern, and this pattern has become very established.

[00:18:05] Habit number one, Bonnie eats some ice cream with her husband.

[00:18:09] And the dopamine center in her brain has said, “Oh, that ice cream. It got a little hit from the ice cream.

[00:18:15] That’s fun. And with her husband, that’s fun. Let’s keep doing that.”

[00:18:20] Because that’s what the dopamine brain does. It’s like, “Ooh, that was fun.

[00:18:23] This was good for us. Let’s put that on automatic pilot.”

[00:18:28] So after a couple of times, guess what?

[00:18:29] It moved from the front of the brain to the back of the brain in the habit part of the brain.

[00:18:34] And pretty soon, again and again, it’s a subconscious habit.

[00:18:39] And then the same with habit number two, the popcorn.

[00:18:43] It’s nice, it’s entertaining it’s something to get up and do, especially because TV gets a little boring.

[00:18:52] It can get a little boring.

[00:18:54] And it looks like that’s what’s happening for Bonnie, is that the TV, after [00:19:00] TV show number one, it gets a little boring for her.

[00:19:03] I remember for me, with my own night eating pattern, it was such a revelation for me when I realized that the reason I was getting up so many times to go into the kitchen to eat was that TV, the television shows I was watching were boring.

[00:19:18] I usually was watching with my husband.

[00:19:20] He wanted to watch something, and I was like, “Eh, I’m a little bored.”

[00:19:23] And so I would get up ’cause the food was more entertaining than the TV.

[00:19:27] My nights changed completely when I said, “Hmm, maybe I’m gonna turn off that TV or not watch TV with my husband and get into something I’m really interested in, like reading.”

[00:19:36] That’s when I started doing research and studying.

[00:19:39] And so I really cannot say enough that sometimes when we’re eating with the TV, maybe the TV show isn’t that riveting, and it’s time to turn it off and get into something else.

[00:19:51] But so habit number two for Bonnie was popping that old corn.

[00:19:56] And eating in front of the TV.

[00:19:58] And then the habit [00:20:00] number three was that chocolate at the end of the night, that night party in her mouth.

[00:20:06] And again, we can’t have too much of a good thing.

[00:20:10] And so her brain, again, put that on automatic pilot and it works.

[00:20:15] Let’s keep it in there.

[00:20:17] And so pretty soon Bonnie has a repeatable pattern that expects itself to be repeated over and over.

[00:20:25] So what happens when Bonnie just tries not to do it and tries just to suck it up and not do it, well, the urge really becomes strong.

[00:20:35] Like she said, that urge not to … Like when she tried not to eat the popcorn, the urge is very strong.

[00:20:42] And what’s going on at that time usually when you’re feeling an urge like that is the dopamine center in the brain is bugging you.

[00:20:50] It’s like, “I want this.”

[00:20:52] It’s like a child. I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it.

[00:20:55] You’re not really hungry.

[00:20:56] It might feel like hunger. It might feel like your mouth is [00:21:00] watering.

[00:21:00] I want you to think of a phone ringing.

[00:21:03] I use this a lot with my smoking clients, this metaphor.

[00:21:06] When a phone rings, like if I had my cellphone and it started to ring here while I was in the podcast and it was like ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

[00:21:14] And I was like, “Oh, you guys just ignore that. I’m just gonna let it keep ringing but I’m gonna keep talking to you. Blah, blah, blah.” Ring, ring, ring.

[00:21:20] “Oh, and this and that.”

[00:21:21] Ring, ring, ring. It starts … You would start to be annoyed.

[00:21:24] You would start to be like, “When is she gonna pick up that phone?”

[00:21:26] Because we expect that a ringing phone is gonna be picked up.

[00:21:30] And so we start to become agitated if somebody doesn’t pick up their ringing phone.

[00:21:35] It becomes agitating and we start to lose focus.

[00:21:38] And so then if, for what if I was like, “Oh, you guys, I’m gonna pick up this phone.”

[00:21:43] And I pick it up. Oh, you would feel relief, right?

[00:21:46] So with Bonnie and the popcorn, what is happening is the popcorn phone is ringing because the brain expects, “Hey, it’s time for the popcorn.”

[00:21:54] And that popcorn phone is ringing.

[00:21:56] Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Bonnie,

[00:21:58] “I’m not gonna eat that. I’m not gonna eat that.”

[00:21:59] Ring, [00:22:00] ring, ring.

[00:22:00] “Come and pick me up.

[00:22:01] Come and pick me up.

[00:22:02] Come and pick me up. I’m expecting you. I’m expecting you.”

[00:22:05] She gets up, and she goes, and she starts to pop the popcorn.

[00:22:08] Maybe you’ve experienced this as well.

[00:22:10] And she starts to calm down.

[00:22:12] And weirdly then, ’cause our brain is kinda weird, our brain starts to associate the popping corn with relaxation, even though the agitation came from the expectation that the popcorn is gonna happen.

[00:22:24] So we get into this weird agitation relief response system in the evening.

[00:22:29] We expect that treat or thing is supposed to happen.

[00:22:34] Then we go to get it, and we feel that release and relief, and the brains go, “See? Popcorn relaxes me.

[00:22:40] See? Chocolate relaxes me.

[00:22:42] See? Sitting in front of the TV and eating ice cream relaxes us,” even though it actually doesn’t necessarily do that.

[00:22:51] And then of course, Bonnie says she doesn’t even experience the popcorn ’cause after three bites of any food, our mouth experience really goes down substantially, like from ninety percent [00:23:00] down to twenty percent.

[00:23:00] So often, we’ll eat a few bites of whatever that food is that we want, and then the rest of the time we’re just kind of watching the TV and shoveling it in and not really even experiencing the food.

[00:23:12] Now, in addition to this is another very important factor that we have to consider is the fact the brain also wires in everything else that happens around the food, right?

[00:23:24] So with the ice cream, Bonnie is sitting and having an intimate moment with her husband, meaning they’re sitting together, they’re watching television, and it’s probably their time together at night.

[00:23:36] So what happens is the ice cream becomes, in Bonnie’s mind, a porthole into her intimacy with her husband.

[00:23:44] So it represents ice cream equals TV equals relaxation equals special time with her husband, right?

[00:23:51] It’s not just the ice cream itself, but everything that it represents.

[00:23:56] That’s why we often think of food as fun, because often fun times are happening [00:24:00] around, like when a birthday party.

[00:24:02] Oh, birthday cake is fun.

[00:24:04] No, well, a lot of the stuff that happens around the birthday cake may be fun.

[00:24:08] For her the popcorn, it provides like a reprieve from the television.

[00:24:13] So, the popcorn equals a break, it equals time alone in the kitchen, it equals kind of staring there and being in a trance state.

[00:24:20] For her, maybe that is a bit of a break.

[00:24:23] The chocolate in the evening after her husband goes to bed, that represents her free time, her time that she connects with herself.

[00:24:32] Like she said, a party in her mouth. It’s like her little , “Woo-hoo, I’m alone and it’s the end of the night and it’s my time to have fun.”

[00:24:39] A lot of parents get into these, like when the other person goes to bed that’s like the time a lot of people will night eat.

[00:24:47] “Oh, I’m finally alone.

[00:24:48] I get to do what I wanna do,” and what do we do?

[00:24:51] Well, we eat, right?

[00:24:52] So we associate the food with everything else that is going on around the food.

[00:24:59] So [00:25:00] the food becomes a portal into these experiences that our brain values, and then the brain wants– thinks, “Oh, ice cream equals intimacy.

[00:25:10] Popcorn equals a break or entertainment. Chocolate-covered almonds equals a party and fun, good times with myself.

[00:25:18] Right?

[00:25:19] So the irony is that when we do indulge in these things, often they take away that thing that we think we’re gonna get.

[00:25:30] We’ll have the intimacy with our husband, but then Bonnie will eat too much ice cream and then feel bad.

[00:25:36] We’ll have that popcorn, and we think it’s entertaining, but then again, we eat the whole bag, and then we feel bad.

[00:25:42] We eat too many of the chocolate almonds.

[00:25:45] The party all of a sudden is not a party anymore.

[00:25:47] So ironically, the brain is sort of short-term pleasure oriented.

[00:25:53] That dopamine center, it doesn’t think everything through.

[00:25:57] And that’s why in the last episode, I [00:26:00] talked about, like really when you think your whole entire evening through to the end how you wanna go to bed at night.

[00:26:06] That’s why begin with the end in mind is so important, is because you really wanna say, the behaviors that I’m creating in the evening want to come to that end.

[00:26:17] I want to feel light, lean, like I went to bed really taking care of myself this evening, really and truly rejuvenating myself, rather than using these fake portals of fun and intimacy.

[00:26:31] I wanna find true portals into intimacy and entertainment and fun.

[00:26:38] So how do we begin to change?

[00:26:40] Well we have to come to our night eating from really looking into our nights and what we need from them as far as rejuvenating and giving ourselves self-care.

[00:26:51] We aren’t eating because we’re out of control, but because we have wired it in as what we perceive as a pattern of self-care.

[00:26:59] So [00:27:00] look at your current night eating structure and start to consider what it gives you.

[00:27:05] For many people, it’s like I said, it’s entertainment.

[00:27:08] It’s something to do while watching TV.

[00:27:12] It’s intimacy, maybe if you’re doing it with a child or with your husband or a partner or your dog or another being.

[00:27:21] Or maybe it’s something that represents the end of the day to you, a reward.

[00:27:26] Because I work hard, damn it, and I deserve it.

[00:27:29] So let’s break down how Bonnie began to break down things for herself to start to see what she needed.

[00:27:37] So the ice cream with the husband obviously is a bonding experience, and Bonnie needs connecting time with her husband.

[00:27:46] Often if you’re in a relationship with somebody substances become connecting objects, right?

[00:27:54] Like alcohol, I work with smokers.

[00:27:57] Smoking, if a couple smokes together, [00:28:00] the cigarette becomes an intimacy point, meaning a portal into intimacy.

[00:28:04] The same thing with food.

[00:28:06] We, often a spouse will bring their spouse like, oh, a treat.

[00:28:10] “Oh, we’re gonna eat this together.

[00:28:12] We’re gonna be bad together. We’re gonna do this together.”

[00:28:14] It becomes, a point of intimacy.

[00:28:17] So she recognized that, and then she also recognized that after an hour of TV, she was bored, and the popcorn was entertainment.

[00:28:27] And then that thing with the chocolates and connecting to herself, the party was the almonds.

[00:28:34] So to break it down further.

[00:28:36] So at the end of the day, Bonnie recognized that what she needed was connecting time with her husband some time in front of the TV to relax and numb out for a bit until it got too dull, and then she needed some entertainment, something a little deeper and beyond TV.

[00:28:54] And then she needed some time when her husband went to bed to connect with [00:29:00] herself, just to unwind with herself.

[00:29:04] So one thing that you can begin to ask yourself, like your own inner coach, is, “How can I really care for myself at night? What do I really need?”

[00:29:13] Maybe it’s time to exercise and do something like yoga and to stretch, or maybe it’s to take a bath, and maybe it’s time to connect with somebody, like you call them, FaceTime, or maybe it’s to connect with somebody in your household if you’ve been neglecting them.

[00:29:33] Instead of eating, going and connecting with somebody else.

[00:29:38] Maybe it’s totally to detach by doing something like meditation.

[00:29:44] Maybe it is relaxation where you, are sitting in front of the television.

[00:29:50] But we often don’t ask ourselves like we love ourselves, “What is it that I truly need at night [00:30:00] that will get me to that vision of going to bed feeling rejuvenated, light, and like I really took care of myself?”

[00:30:08] And once you do, your mind will start exploring.

[00:30:11] It will start offering you answers.

[00:30:14] And very much like my gardening, some plants that I plant may die along the way.

[00:30:19] I’m very well aware of that.

[00:30:21] And some of the ideas you come up with may be like those plants.

[00:30:25] They might not be the best ideas in the world.

[00:30:27] But you gotta try, and you gotta explore, and you’ve gotta play, and figure this out, and go at this like a project worth having.

[00:30:36] Because let’s face it, our evenings are a huge part of our life, and if you are on a journey of weight mastery, your evenings are a very big part of your weight mastery.

[00:30:47] So this is absolutely worth it.

[00:30:49] And I will tell you, when you start figuring your evening out, you are gonna be so proud of yourself and so happy.

[00:30:57] So like Bonnie, what she [00:31:00] did was started to shift those eating episode in her mind.

[00:31:03] Instead of this idea of taking them away, she started to create something new.

[00:31:08] So she was gonna refocus her mind on a new nightly pattern of habits that gave her what she needed without the food.

[00:31:18] So she enrolled her husband, and they decided instead of ice cream and connecting, that they would cuddle and that they were gonna talk.

[00:31:27] So they were gonna actually create a new portal into their intimacy by sitting on the couch together and cuddling and talking before they even turned on the TV.

[00:31:38] And the cuddling time in Bonnie’s mind was that first part of the pattern, what you would call the cue or the portal into the pattern that she was creating

[00:31:50] Then she and her husband zoned out in front of the TV, pretty much as business as usual without the ice cream.

[00:31:59] [00:32:00] But she recognized that, so that zoning out in front of her television in the evening was a nice part of her evening that she didn’t wanna change.

[00:32:10] So she changed the portal into the first behavior.

[00:32:13] She transitioned to the next behavior.

[00:32:15] That was just fine for her.

[00:32:18] But then instead of popcorn when the show was over, she recognized that she was kind of done with television after that first show, and she decided instead what she was going to do was make herself a cup of herbal tea and then read a book.

[00:32:35] ‘Cause she liked to read, but she had just gotten out of the habit of reading.

[00:32:40] So it was her new assignment for herself, was to start to get back into reading and to lay on the couch and read her book while her husband continued to watch TV.

[00:32:53] And then finally, when her husband went to bed, she came up with a whole new plan to take a [00:33:00] bath and sort of meditate and burn a candle.

[00:33:04] And just completely unwind.

[00:33:05] So this was her new party with herself, was to luxuriate in a nice bath with her candle, right?

[00:33:14] So she was still having that connection time with herself in a actually much, much better way because she wasn’t dulling herself with food, and she wasn’t end up feeling regretful, but she ended up feeling fantastic.

[00:33:28] She really was able to, in her time in her bath, think about the day, let go of the day, and think about the coming day and really get prepared for that.

[00:33:38] And I will tell you that those reflection times in our day are so powerful.

[00:33:43] Some people really like to journal at night, and I think that’s a fantastic idea.

[00:33:48] A lot of processing happens when we journal or when we meditate or give time to zone out with ourselves and just let our thoughts go and think [00:34:00] about things, think about the day and okay, well, what happened today?

[00:34:04] Let me let that go. Let me think about what I’m gonna do tomorrow.

[00:34:09] These are very powerful times that we have with ourselves, and I really consider them essential because they allow us to create our lives rather than our lives living us.

[00:34:19] Rather than us living defensively, we begin to live offensively.

[00:34:24] So do in your evenings, when you’re starting to create your evenings, set aside some reflection time.

[00:34:31] Set aside some time to either journal or exercise where you’re really kind of like walking, where you’re thinking about your day, letting it go, or meditation, like doing something where you’re sitting in the bath or you’re stretching and you’re just allowing…

[00:34:46] Do- maybe doing yoga and just thinking about the day connecting with yourself, giving yourself some time to have like a little inner chat with yourself and move yourself forward in your life, because it can really, really begin to be a very, very [00:35:00] important, potent, and powerful part of your day.

[00:35:03] So that’s just my coaching there as something that you might add into your evening.

[00:35:09] And Bonnie was able to really see some powerful changes in her evening. She told me that she finished them feeling so proud, really rejuvenated.

[00:35:18] Especially she loved the new thing of taking a bath.

[00:35:22] And she loved to go to bed on that lighter stomach, and it showed up on the scale.

[00:35:28] And yeah, she backslid, and some nights she and her husband ate ice cream.

[00:35:33] But she kept working on improving.

[00:35:36] She kept at it.

[00:35:37] And in the summertime, she and her husband started biking after dinner.

[00:35:42] And sometimes her baths were just reading more of her book or flipping through Instagram.

[00:35:47] But the point is that Bonnie shifted and came from using her mind more powerfully. What do I need for my nights?

[00:35:55] How will I structure them so that they allow me to [00:36:00] feel wonderful at the end of the evening?

[00:36:02] And Bonnie got back her night.

[00:36:04] She created a wonderful night for herself that was fulfilling, and so can you.

[00:36:10] And you are gonna create an evening that you love, so don’t give up.

[00:36:15] Now, if you’re interested in having more coaching and hypnosis and a useful meditation session to help you break out of night eating, please go to the show notes and click on the link to get my free five-day hypnosis-based micro process, Lights Out on Night Eating.

[00:36:35] Or you can go to my website, www.shiftweightmastery.com.

[00:36:40] It’s also there, but they are in the show notes.

[00:36:43] And hey, give us a review.

[00:36:45] I love hearing what you like about the show.

[00:36:48] And any questions for me any episode ideas, please use the link below.

[00:36:54] There’s a link where you can give me your ideas, and they’re in the show notes, so please submit them.[00:37:00]

[00:37:00] And don’t forget that we have that five-part free night eating series with hypnosis. All you have to do is go to www.shiftweightmastery.com/night to claim it.

[00:37:16] Put your name, your email address in, and it will start popping in your inbox for free.

[00:37:22] So have an amazing week, and remember that the key, and probably the only key, to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you.

[00:37:32] So keep listening and find it, and I will be back with you here next week.

[00:37:39] And remember that the key, and probably the only key, to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you, so keep listening and find it.

[00:37:52] If you wanna dive deeper into the mindset of long-term weight release, head on over to www.shiftweightmastery.com.

[00:37:59] That’s [00:38:00] www.shiftweightmastery.com, where you’ll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release, tips, strategies, and more.

[00:38:15] And be sure to check the show notes to learn more about my book, From Fat to Thin Thinking: Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss.