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Have you checked in on your energy levels lately? If you’ve been feeling more drained than usual—like your motivation, focus, and zest for life are running on empty—you’re not alone. 

Midlife energy struggles are real, but the good news is, there are solutions!

In this week’s episode of The Thin Thinking Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Christine Li, a clinical psychologist and energy coach, to uncover the 10 biggest energy roadblocks women face in midlife—and, more importantly, how to clear them so you can feel vibrant, focused, and unstoppable again.

Get ready for:
✅Eye-opening insights into what’s secretly zapping your energy
✅Simple but powerful shifts to recharge your mind and body
✅Motivation to take control of your energy like never before

So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and let’s dive in!

Come on in!

Join the Re-Energize Your Home Challenge for free here!  

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

The importance of changing along with the circumstances.

The resentment that comes with being a people pleaser.

The biggest lesson that Dr. Christine Li learned as a human being.

Links Mentioned in this Episode

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Join my FREE Masterclass: “How to Stop the “Start Over Tomorrow” Weight Struggle Cycle and Begin Releasing Weight for Good.”

FREE Shift Out of Sugar Cravings Hypnosis Session

My book, From Fat to Thin Thinking: Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss (Includes a 30-day hypnosis process.)

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If you’re a woman in midlife wondering, “Why am I so tired all the time?” you are not alone. Midlife energy struggles aren’t just “getting older” or “falling behind.” They’re often the result of hidden midlife energy roadblocks for women that quietly drain your mental, emotional, and physical fuel every single day.

In a powerful conversation on the Thin Thinking Podcast, clinical hypnotherapist and weight mastery expert Rita Black sat down with clinical psychologist and energy coach Dr. Christine Li to unpack the 10 biggest energy roadblocks they see in women in this season of life. Together, they’ve helped thousands of women release emotional clutter, mental clutter, physical clutter — and reclaim their time, health, and power.

This guide distills that conversation into a clear, practical roadmap so you can:

  • Understand why your energy feels so low
  • Spot the roadblocks that are secretly draining you
  • Take simple steps to protect and rebuild your energy
  • Use that energy to support long-term health and weight mastery

Let’s walk through it together — one roadblock at a time.

What makes midlife such an energy rollercoaster for women?

Midlife is often the moment women realize: “I can’t just power through anymore.” Hormonal shifts, caregiving, careers, aging parents, kids launching, financial worries, and health changes all converge. Your calendar is full, your mind is full — and your body starts sending new signals you can’t ignore.

The big truth from Rita and Dr. Li’s conversation is this:
Midlife isn’t the problem — it’s the unexamined patterns you’ve been carrying into midlife that drain your energy.

For years, you may have:

  • Put everyone else first
  • Ignored your need for rest
  • Used anxiety and overthinking as a “strategy” to stay safe
  • Carried clutter (physical and emotional) from decade to decade
  • Talked to yourself like a harsh inner critic instead of a kind inner coach

In your 20s and 30s, you could often out-hustle these habits. In midlife, they catch up with you — and show up as low motivation, brain fog, exhaustion, emotional eating, and feeling disconnected from your own life.

The good news? Every roadblock was learned, which means every roadblock can be unlearned. Midlife can be a turning point where you stop running on anxiety and obligation, and start living from clarity and self-leadership.

Let’s name the roadblocks so you can start moving them out of your way.


If you’re realizing how much your energy has been depleted by over-giving and self-neglect, you may also enjoy Episode 124 — Essential Self-Care with Dr. Z, which explores why self-care feels so hard for women and how reclaiming it restores both energy and emotional balance.

What are the 10 biggest midlife energy roadblocks for women?

In the Thin Thinking episode, Dr. Christine Li shared 10 common patterns that quietly drain women’s energy in midlife. As you read through them, notice which ones feel familiar — you don’t need all 10. One or two big shifts can change everything.

1. Anxiety: Believing you won’t be able to cope

Dr. Li defines anxiety in a simple, powerful way:
Anxiety is the belief that you won’t be able to cope with whatever happens.

Your brain projects into the future — “What if I lose this job?” “What if something happens to my kids?” “What if I travel and can’t handle it?” — and then tells a scary story that you won’t survive it emotionally, financially, or physically.

In reality?

  • You have coped with 100% of your hardest days so far.
  • You changed, adapted, and grew every time circumstances changed.
  • You are more resourceful than your anxious brain gives you credit for.

When you carry anxiety like this, it’s like constantly holding your breath. You burn through energy just bracing for impact. In midlife, that chronic bracing becomes exhausting.

Energy shift:
 Start reminding yourself: “I have coped with everything so far — and I will cope with what’s next.” Notice when your brain jumps to worst-case scenarios (like being homeless, broke, or totally alone), and gently guide it back: “What is actually true right now? What options and support do I have?”

You’re not erasing uncertainty. You’re releasing the belief that you’re helpless in the face of it.

2. People pleasing: Taking care of everyone but yourself

Women are often trained to be the emotional airbag for everyone around them. This shows up as:

  • Saying yes when you’re already exhausted
  • Trying to keep everyone from being upset
  • Managing other people’s feelings more than your own
  • Carrying invisible expectations at work, at home, and in relationships

On the surface, people pleasing looks kind, but underneath it often creates resentment, exhaustion, and self-neglect. You might give and give — then soothe your resentment later with food, TV, scrolling, or wine.

In midlife, this strategy gets especially costly because you have:

  • Less hormonal “buffer”
  • More responsibilities
  • A body and brain that genuinely need more recovery time

Energy shift:
 Let midlife be your permission slip to step out of the people-pleasing role. It’s okay to:

  • Say no without writing a 3-paragraph explanation
  • Let other adults feel their own feelings and cope
  • Protect your time and energy the way you would protect a dear friend’s

When you stop over-giving, you don’t become less kind — you become more honest, more present, and more sustainable.

3. Overthinking: Crowding your mental space

Overthinking is one of the sneakiest midlife energy roadblocks for women because it feels productive. You may believe:

  • “If I think about this enough, I’ll finally find the right answer.”
  • “If I keep replaying it, I won’t make a mistake.”
  • “If I worry hard enough, I’m being responsible.”

But overthinking burns mental fuel the way idling burns gas. Your brain becomes cluttered, cramped, and noisy, and you lose access to your natural wisdom and creativity.

Dr. Li notes that if you’re an overthinker, you’ve often already figured out the answer — you’re just hammering yourself with it.

Energy shift:
 Instead of asking, “Have I thought about this enough yet?” try:

  • “What’s the simplest next step I can take?”
  • “What would I decide if I trusted myself?”
  • “If I weren’t afraid of being wrong, what would I choose?”

Tools like journaling, a quick brain dump, or talking with a trusted friend or coach can help you get thoughts out of your head so they stop spinning. The goal isn’t perfect decisions — it’s movement and self-trust.

4. Ignoring your natural energy rhythms

Many women in midlife try to behave like their energy is a straight line: show up, push hard, repeat daily. In reality, your energy:

  • Rises and falls across the day
  • Shifts across your cycle or hormonal stage
  • Changes with seasons, stress, and life events

Energy becomes a roadblock when you ignore your rhythms instead of partnering with them.

You might:

  • Force high-focus work into your lowest-energy time of day
  • Skip rest because you feel guilty
  • Expect the same performance from yourself at 52 that you had at 22 — with none of the same life context

Energy shift:
 Start noticing your patterns with curiosity, not judgment:

  • When am I naturally sharpest? (Morning, afternoon, evening?)
  • When do I reliably crash?
  • How do my energy levels change across a week or month?

Then pair tasks with energy:

  • Do deep work in your high-energy windows
  • Put admin and lighter tasks in lower-energy times
  • Schedule real rest — naps, walks, quiet time — as non-negotiables, not “extras”

Rest is not laziness. Rest is maintenance for the brain that runs your entire life.

5. Neglecting your personal energy basics

As Dr. Li and Rita highlight, nurturing your personal energy is like tending a garden — it doesn’t just “stay nice” on its own.

When you’re busy, it’s easy to let go of:

  • Hydration
  • Nutritious, satisfying food
  • Movement and exercise
  • Sunlight and fresh air
  • Emotional self-care and connection

From a weight mastery perspective, Rita also points out that certain foods might not show up on the scale immediately but consume your mental energy. For example:

  • A specific cookie that makes your brain obsess about food all day
  • A sugary “treat” that leaves you foggy and craving more

These foods don’t just sit in your body — they camp out in your mind, stealing attention you could be using to live your life.

Energy shift:

Ask yourself:

  • “Does this food give me physical energy and mental freedom — or does it make me think about food all day?”
  • “Is this choice putting energy in my bank account, or overdrawing it?”

You don’t have to be perfect. Focus on:

  • “A-plus” foods most of the time — those that help you feel clear, satisfied, and steady
  • Movement that boosts your mood and energy instead of punishing your body
  • Simple basics like water, sleep, and morning light as daily acts of self-advocacy

You’d want your loved ones to be fueled well. You deserve the same.

6. Trying to control what’s always changing

Another huge drain on midlife energy is the belief that if you just try hard enough, you can control everything.

You might try to control:

  • Aging
  • Other people’s choices (especially kids or partners)
  • How others see you
  • Every outcome at work
  • Every detail of the future

The reality? Life is always changing. Bodies change. Families shift. Jobs evolve. Kids grow up and make their own decisions. Health can surprise us.

When you fight that constant change, you burn energy pushing against reality instead of using that energy to adapt and create.

Energy shift:

Trade control for play and collaboration:

  • Ask, “How can I make this easier or more fun?”
  • Release perfectionism by finishing projects at “good enough” and letting others help
  • Notice where you’re over-efforting to keep things the same, and experiment with loosening your grip

You’re not giving up on standards. You’re giving up on the illusion that you can hold the entire world still.

7. Clinging to past versions of yourself

We are storytelling creatures. We carry old stories like:

  • “I’m the one who always falls off the wagon.”
  • “I’m the rescuer.”
  • “I’m the anxious one.”
  • “I’m the messy one.”

These identities may have been partly true at one time, but they become energy drains when you keep living them out long after they’ve stopped serving you.

Dr. Li suggests something radical:
You don’t have to keep living every old chapter. You can stop a story whenever you choose.

You can decide:

  • “I’m no longer someone who screams at herself for eating a cookie.”
  • “I’m no longer the person who saves everyone else from their pain.”
  • “I’m no longer the woman who sees only what’s wrong with herself.”

Energy shift:

Ask: “Which old version of me am I still carrying that I’m ready to retire?”

Then try on a new identity:

  • “I’m a woman who treats herself with respect, even when she slips.”
  • “I’m someone who lets other people have their own path.”
  • “I’m an energy protector, not an energy martyr.”

Identity shifts don’t require a big ceremony. They start with a decision and are reinforced with small daily actions.

8. Harsh, limiting self-talk

How you talk to yourself either charges your battery or quietly drains it all day long.

Drain phrases sound like:

  • “I can’t.”
  • “This is impossible.”
  • “I’ll never figure this out.”
  • “I’m just not disciplined enough.”

Over time, this language shrinks what you believe is possible. You stop seeing opportunities because your brain is busy narrating all the reasons you’re stuck.

Energy shift:

Midlife is the perfect time to upgrade your internal script. Start by:

  • Catching “I can’t” and shifting to “I’m learning how to…”
  • Switching “This is too hard” to “This is challenging, and I can take one small step.”
  • Replacing “Never” with “Not yet.”

Your words don’t have to be sugary or fake. Aim for language that is supportive, realistic, and forward-focused. You are talking to someone you’re going to spend the rest of your life with — make it kind.

9. Living in your story instead of in reality

Stories are how your brain makes sense of the world, but sometimes the story you’re telling is far heavier than the reality in front of you.

For example, you might think:

  • “Everything is falling apart” — when actually, one area of life is hard and others are okay
  • “Nothing good ever happens to me” — while overlooking small wins and daily support
  • “I’m failing” — when you’re learning something new and messy

Dr. Li shared a simple practice she’s using: a note in her phone that says, “Good things are always happening to me.” She keeps a list and adds to it — reminders that reality often includes more goodness and support than her stress brain admits.

Energy shift:

At the end of the day, ask:

  • “What actually happened today?”
  • “Where did I cope better than I thought?”
  • “What small good things showed up that I might have missed?”

You’re not gaslighting yourself or ignoring pain. You’re letting the full picture in so your energy isn’t spent fighting a distorted story.

10. Physical clutter everywhere

Physical clutter is one of the most underestimated midlife energy roadblocks for women.

Clutter:

  • Visually shouts “You’re behind!” every time you look at it
  • Makes your home feel like a to-do list, not a sanctuary
  • Triggers shame and avoidance — which burns even more energy
  • Takes up space that could be used for rest, creativity, or connection

Dr. Li calls clutter a massive energy leak. It changes how your home functions. Instead of a place of peace, it becomes a storage unit for past decisions, guilt, and unfinished plans.

And midlife clutter is layered:

  • Kids’ old belongings
  • Inherited items from parents or relatives
  • Clothes, books, papers, and gifts from decades
  • Outdated furniture and broken items you “might fix someday”

Energy shift:

See decluttering not as punishment, but as energy work:

  • Start tiny: one drawer, one shelf, one stack of papers
  • Focus on what supports who you are now, not who you used to be
  • Let things move on to people who can use and enjoy them

If clutter feels overwhelming, structured support can help. Dr. Li regularly runs a free Reenergize Your Home challenge where women spend just 15 minutes a day together decluttering specific areas, celebrating wins, and feeling the energy shift in real time.

You don’t have to empty the whole house like a frontier spring cleaning scene. Start with one corner that you’ll see every day. Let your environment start affirming the woman you’re becoming.

How can you start reclaiming your energy day-to-day?

Clearing midlife energy roadblocks for women doesn’t require a full life overhaul. In fact, small shifts done consistently are often more powerful than dramatic, unsustainable bursts.

Here’s a simple daily framework inspired by Rita and Dr. Li’s conversation:

  1. One mindset shift
    • Choose one anxious or harsh thought and rewrite it.
    • Example: trade “I won’t be able to handle it” for “I’ve handled hard things before. I’ll figure this out too.”
  2. One boundary
    • Say no, or “not this week,” to something that would overextend you.
    • Allow someone else to cope, help, or wait.
  3. One energy deposit
    • Drink a glass of water
    • Step outside for 5–10 minutes
    • Take a 15- to 20-minute nap
    • Do 10 minutes of movement
  4. One small declutter
    • Toss, donate, or recycle 5–10 items
    • Clear your nightstand or one living room surface
    • Empty one “doom drawer”
  5. One gratitude or “good things” note
    • Add to a list: “Good things are always happening to me.”
    • Capture small wins and kind moments your stress brain would ignore.

These micro-shifts signal to your brain and body: “My energy matters now.” And once you start treating your energy as precious, your choices naturally start to line up behind that decision.

How does clutter quietly drain your midlife energy?

Because clutter is such a big roadblock, it deserves its own spotlight.

Clutter drains midlife energy by:

  • Creating constant visual stress — your nervous system never feels “done”
  • Triggering shame — “I should have dealt with this by now”
  • Making daily tasks slower — you can’t find what you need, so you waste time and willpower
  • Holding old identities and hopes — things you once meant to become or do, but no longer want

When you lift clutter out of your home, you aren’t just making it prettier. You are:

  • Freeing up mental bandwidth
  • Opening physical space for new habits and routines
  • Sending a message to your brain: “We are moving forward now.”

If decluttering has felt overwhelming, notice the stories attached to it:

  • “I don’t have time.”
  • “It’s all or nothing.”
  • “I have to keep this or I’m ungrateful / wasteful.”

Then try a new approach:

  • 15 minutes at a time
  • One category or surface at a time
  • Looking for ease instead of perfection

As Rita shared about her husband’s piano music stash, letting go can actually light you up — especially when your items go to someone who genuinely wants and uses them.

How does your energy impact long-term weight mastery?

On the Thin Thinking Podcast, Rita always comes back to one core truth:
80% of weight struggle is mental — it begins in your mind.

Energy and weight are deeply connected because:

  • Low energy makes it easier to procrastinate on planning, meal prep, and movement
  • Anxiety and overthinking fuel emotional eating and all-or-nothing thinking
  • People pleasing makes it hard to prioritize your own health
  • Clutter makes your environment less supportive of healthy choices

When you start addressing midlife energy roadblocks for women, you’re also:

  • Reducing the mental load that drives overeating and self-sabotage
  • Making space (literally and emotionally) for new habits
  • Building the self-trust you need for long-term weight mastery

Instead of asking, “What diet should I start?” it can be more powerful to ask:

  • “What energy leak can I plug today?”
  • “What thought, object, or obligation is draining me that I can release?”
  • “How can I support my brain so it’s easier to make the choices I want?”

Rewiring your thinking, protecting your energy, and designing an environment that supports your goals — that’s the foundation of long-term change.

FAQs

1. Why am I so tired in midlife even when I sleep?

Midlife tiredness is rarely about sleep alone. Hormonal shifts, chronic stress, overthinking, people pleasing, anxiety about the future, and living in cluttered, overfull environments all drain your energy. When you start addressing these roadblocks, your sleep and your daytime energy often improve.

2. How do I stop people pleasing without feeling selfish?

Start small. Practice saying “not this week” or “I can’t, but I hope it goes well” instead of an automatic yes. Remember: other adults have their own coping skills. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish — it allows you to show up more present and genuine when you do say yes.

3. Can decluttering really improve my energy?

Yes. Physical clutter constantly signals “unfinished business” to your brain. Even one cleared surface can create a sense of calm and possibility. As you declutter more, you reduce visual stress, decision fatigue, and shame — all of which frees up energy for the life you want to live.

4. How can I quiet my overthinking?

Notice when you’re looping and ask, “What’s one small step I can take?” or “What would I do if I trusted myself?” Writing your thoughts down, talking with a supportive person, or setting a timer for “worry time” can help. The goal isn’t to never think — it’s to stop spinning in circles.

5. What’s one simple way to start boosting my midlife energy today?

Pick one of these:

  • Drink a large glass of water
  • Take a 10-minute walk outside
  • Clear one small area of clutter
  • Say no to one draining commitment
  • Replace one harsh thought with a kinder, realistic one

Consistent small shifts create bigger energy changes than occasional extreme efforts.

6. How does improving my energy help with weight loss?

When you have more energy, it’s easier to:

  • Plan and prepare food that truly fuels you
  • Move your body in ways you enjoy
  • Pause before emotional eating
  • Make decisions from your long-term goals instead of short-term stress

Energy work and mindset work are the “inside job” that make sustainable weight release possible.

7. Is it too late to change my patterns in midlife?

Absolutely not. Midlife is actually a powerful time to change because you have lived experience, evidence that you can cope, and a clearer sense of what matters. Your brain can rewire at any age — and every small shift in how you think, speak, and care for yourself creates new pathways.

What’s your next step to clear your midlife energy roadblocks?

You don’t have to tackle all 10 roadblocks at once.

Pick one:

  • Maybe you start by catching anxious thoughts and reminding yourself, “I have always coped.”
  • Maybe you choose to say no to one request and see what happens.
  • Maybe you fill a bag with items to donate, recycling energy back into the world.
  • Maybe you decide today is the day you stop speaking to yourself like an enemy and start speaking as a mentor.

From there, you can:

  • Join a structured decluttering experience like Dr. Christine Li’s Reenergize Your Home challenge at procrastinationcoach.com/free to clear physical clutter and feel the energy shift in real time.
  • Explore mindset and weight mastery tools at shiftweightmastery.com to support both your energy and your long-term health.

Midlife isn’t the end of your energy. It’s your invitation to stop living on empty, remove the roadblocks, and build a life that feels lighter, clearer, and more you.

Want to learn more? Check out my free masterclass, How to Stop The “Start Over Tomorrow” Weight Struggle Cycle and Start Releasing Weight For Good.

If you found this episode helpful, you might also enjoy this related Thin Thinking episode:

Episode 110: Revitalizing Your Brain: The Power of Energetic Healing with Dr. Louise

Podcast Transcript

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Rita Black: How are your energy levels? Have you asked yourself lately? We are diving in this episode deep into a topic that so many of us can relate to midlife energy struggles. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel more drained than you used to, or why your motivation, focus, and zing for life seem to be running on empty, you are not alone. There are hidden roadblocks that could be zapping your energy every single day. And today, we’re uncovering them with a true expert in the field. Dr. Christine Li, a clinical psychologist and energy coach, is here to break down the 10 biggest energy roadblocks that women face in midlife, and more importantly, how to clear them so that you can feel vibrant, focused, and unstoppable again. So get ready for some eye-opening insights, simple but powerful shifts, and the motivation to take charge of your energy like never before. So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and let’s dive into today’s conversation with Dr. Christine Li.

Rita Black: Did you know that our struggle with weight doesn’t start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym? 80% of our weight struggle is mental. That’s right. The key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind. Hi there, I’m Rita Black. I’m a clinical hypnotherapist weight loss expert, bestselling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process. And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery, I am also a former weight struggler, carb addict and binge eater. And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40 pounds with the help of hypnosis. Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years. Enter the Thin Thinking Podcast where you too will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling. I’ll give you the thin thinking tools, skills, and insights to help you develop the mindset you need, not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long term and live your best life. Sound good? Let’s get started.

Rita Black: Hello and welcome. I hope this finds you jumping and not crawling across the finish line of February if you’re listening to this episode when it drops. But don’t worry if you’re crawling. Dr. Christine Li is here today to walk us through the 10 ways to unblock our energy and start taking back our power and zest for life. Maybe you guys know Christine. I’ve had her on the podcast a few times, and she always delivers great new ideas to try to make our lives better. Dr. Christine Li is a clinical psychologist, productivity expert, and the procrastination coach. With over 25 years of experience, she has helped thousands of women, especially those in midlife, overcome overwhelm, clear mental and physical clutter, and reclaim their energy and time. And she’s the creator of simply Productive her unique group coaching program and the Reenergize Your Home Challenge. Dr. Li specializes in teaching others how to break through habits of avoidance and indecision making transformation feel simple and achievable. Her work has been featured in Oprah Magazine. She’s passionate about helping women break free from stress, self-doubt, and limiting beliefs so that they can create the space, clarity and confidence to live fully. Let’s welcome Dr. Christine Li.

Rita Black: Well, I have the amazing Christine Li, Dr. Christine Li. I’m sorry. Left your doctor out there,

Dr. Christine Li: That’s okay.

Rita Black: No, it’s very important. It’s very important. My daughter’s gonna be working on that, so I wanna give all doctors credit to where it is due. And it’s lovely to see you. Welcome back to the Thin Thinking Podcast.

Dr. Christine Li: Lovely to see you. Thanks for remembering the doctor and for having me on again, and great to see you too.

Rita Black: So Dr. Christine Lee has some 10 roadblocks where women in midlife that I wanna walk through with her. ’cause I love these, I love lists! Lists are great.

Dr. Christine Li: Lists are kind of where I started, I think so many millions of years ago. Blogging, that was the deal, right? It was very easy to come up with a listicle. They actually came up with a term for the article of lists. And I remember doing that all the time. Lately, not so much, but for this episode, I thought, let’s do it. Because I think that there are really themes when you work with clients, right? You know that I know it. There are themes within ourselves, and I think it can be a really good use of our energy and time to just distill what is going on here, right? What is the theme? What is the pattern that I either hate or love? Let’s just look at them and as midlife women, let’s decide what do we wanna keep? What do we wanna toss? How do we make things lighter and easier for ourselves in this time of life that can be so fraught with all the things and all the wishes and all the responsibilities. Let’s just do this and make sure our energy is taken care of, and that we have enough when we need to take action, and that we have enough left over to, to really just enjoy this part of our lives.

Rita Black: Well said. So where do, are you gonna count down from 10, 10 down to one? Are you gonna count from one to 10?

Dr. Christine Li: I have it listed one to 10. And it’s, it’s super easy. And I’m really excited to have Rita in in this conversation because I know she’s such an expert in these issues and also working with women in midlife as well. So the first one is maybe not, well, I’m gonna say it is a roadblock, and I wrote it first for a reason. And what it is, is that a definition of anxiety, and we can, there’s so many different ways we can talk about anxiety, but I believe that anxiety comes when we have a belief that we won’t be able to cope somehow. You know, oh, this person’s looking at me funny, or this person’s gonna criticize me, or this isn’t gonna fly, or I’m not gonna be this, that, or the other thing. Enough. And then the fear happens when we think we’re not gonna survive that. So it’s just a little bit of a reminder that, you know what, by the way, we survive everything. And when you get to midlife is kind of time to say, you know what? I’m going to use that fact and use that reality as a springboard for me to try bigger and better things, or try the things that I’ve ignored and been too afraid to try or to decide that I have this power to change my life in whichever direction I wish. Because I know, you know what? For all anxieties I’ve had over my life, I’ve survived every single one.

Rita Black: Yeah. So, so you’re saying like for instance the fear that comes from not, or, or anxiety that comes from what, when we’re thinking ahead, like, oh, oh, well, what if something happens to one of my kids? Or if what if I tried this thing and it doesn’t work out and I, and it goes bad for me. Like if I, oh, I’ve always wanted to go traveling, but oh, travel, then it means doing this and finding, having directions and having to check into a hotel and be deal with people. You mean like that? Like, we so we’ll just go, no, our brain will go, no, I can’t do that. But then when we get to this, this age, we’re like, but you know what? I can get on a plane, you know? Yeah. That, that one’s done. You know, if I feel a little weird, you know, going from point A to point B, I’ll figure it out. I’ve been able to do difficult in my life. You know? So you’re, you’re meaning like the distinction between like being run by our fears and our limiting beliefs around and versus like, oh, we’re of a certain age, so we can, we’ve had enough life experiences to know I can trust myself.

Dr. Christine Li: Yes. And also just understanding that that’s what anxiety is in the first place, is kind of this prediction of something not going well and then are having a bad reaction to it. And the thing is, it’s like if things go not as we had planned or as we wish, we’re gonna have to cope with that. And likely if we’re in this neutral space where we’re not worried ahead of time, we’re actually gonna cope with that event in an even better, more relaxed. More effective way. So it’s just a little tip to just remind you, oh, you know, what this anxiety is, is sourced by me. Like I created this future situation where I feel like I can’t handle anything. And that’s just I think a belief that we can eradicate when we try.

Rita Black: And our brain will go so quickly from like, let’s say like a financial situation. Like, we’ll think, well, if I, if I lose this job or I don’t get this job, or if this happens, then I’m gonna be on the street. You know, like we go from, you know, our comfortable little life to I will be pushing a grocery, a grocery cart down the street with my belonging in it. You know? And yeah. And, and you do cope from one point to another. I had a friend, because, you know, the LA fires, I, I didn’t know anybody super directly that were, that was impacted, but a friend of a friend was, and she lost her home in Altadena, tragic. And she didn’t have a lot of money. So she literally is homeless, but she’s resourceful and she’s, you know, of the age and she lined up a year’s worth of couch surfing dates, or, you know, so she’s found accommodations for a year in comfortable places. Some of these are house sitting things where she’ll be the only person in the house.

Dr. Christine Li: Thank goodness for her resourcefulness.

Rita Black: Yes. But she dug deep and I mean, what a shock. I mean, but Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li: And no, no anxiety could have predicted the catastrophe. Of the fires. Right. And again, I say thank goodness for her and her resourcefulness and the fact that she is going to build from there. She’s gonna build something that is gonna, it’s, it’s going to, she’s going to cope basically is the message. Right. And we’re gonna survive.

Rita Black: Yeah. She’ll be okay. You know, she’ll and you’re, you can figure something else out and, you know, but yeah.

Dr. Christine Li: The other thing is we change as our circumstances change. So that’s another thing It’s not on my list, but we’ve kind of don’t factor that in to our seeing the future. We think something’s gonna happen in the future, and it’s gonna be beyond to me. But the thing is, when you do encounter things that are new or really difficult or whatever, you then grow and change and adapt to meet those circumstances. So everything is kind of fluid and anxiety keeps us thinking everything has to stay the same. I have to be hyper rigid and controlling and in this fear state. And I just think that’s limiting your power and it’s limiting the options for coping when things actually do happen.

Rita Black: Right. Exactly.

Dr. Christine Li: Okay.

Rita Black: Well, what’s number two?

Dr. Christine Li: Number two is the roadblock of people pleasing. And I think women tend to be known as the, the characters in this category. And I think people pleasing is so subtle, right? Because nobody’s calling people out. Oh, that’s a people pleaser. So often it’s just stuff that we do in our everyday lives. It’s kind of how much are we thinking about taking care of other people’s feelings over the course of a day? Right? Versus how much am I allowing myself to tend to my own wellbeing over the course of a day? And there’s a really big difference between the two states, and of course, most of us operate between the two, but I’m speaking to the group of people who may be listening to us talk today, who are really primarily focused on making sure everyone is not mad at them, that everyone is taken care of, and that they’re neglecting their own needs in the service of taking care, of being in the service of other people. And I think in midlife, midlife is this wonderful period where, again, you get to decide, did that strategy work for me? Have I grown from that strategy? Am I satisfied and feeling like I’m able to grow in the directions that I choose? And oftentimes I’ve seen that when people are stuck in the people pleasing zone, that their options for emotional growth are somewhat more limited. They’re not, they’re not free to gallivant and create things because they’re really bogged down with obligations and stressors and appointments and being on call for other people.

Rita Black: Let’s face it, let’s face like that. It’s that, you know, that’s what I see is the resentment that then drives those other behaviors too. So like, you know, we’re, we’re bending over backwards to help everybody out, but then secretly resenting it rather than just saying no. And they might, you know, that other person might be upset, but, but it’s kind of better than presenting them. You know?

Dr. Christine Li: One of the best lessons I ever learned as a human being was that everybody is actually gonna be fine. Right. Again, with this theme of coping, everybody gets to cope, right? And people don’t just cope because you are helping them. They actually have their natural coping skills in abundance, right? Yeah. And when we step back from the people pleasing role, we actually get the relief of seeing that actually things do work out, and actually people do take care of themselves. And there you might be even doing the other person a favor by laying back a bit. So the tip here is really just to decide it’s okay for me to pay attention to myself a little bit more in this phase of my life.

Rita Black: Yeah. Yeah. It’s a great, and especially with children, you know we both have kids who are adulting and it’s easy to, you know, wanna take their pain away, but they kind of need to have that pain. To grow. That’s, so that’s the lesson I’m always up against is, you know, do I wanna be super mom? Not really. I’d rather they learn the lesson, but it’s hard, it’s hard sitting on that pain of watching them, you know, just struggle with something, but knowing that they really, really, really, really need to struggle in order to get that lesson.

Dr. Christine Li: Well, there’s a path. They’re on their path, right? And we can’t much as we might wanna change or redirect or be on that path too with them, it really is, like you said, it’s their, it’s their room and their time to grow in that way also. Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li: Okay, number three on this list is overthinking. Major roadblock, I think for energy, for one, right? When you’re overthinking, I just, I oftentimes think of the brain as a literal space. And when you’re overthinking, the space is cramped, it’s crowded, it’s messy, it’s cluttered. And you are in distress because you’re just trying to control the circumstances. You’re trying to find the right answer that I hear a lot, right. The, what is the right answer? And we say that very casually, but really, what is the right answer for, for so many things that we deal with, right? Like raising kids and what’s the right way to raise a kid? I mean, how many different ways, how many different feelings and thoughts and possibilities exist in any one moment when you’re raising a kid? Right? So I think the overthinking can be a source of loss of energy for women in midlife that can be reclaimed. That we can say, I trust myself, I trust my instinct here. I trust that I’ve thought this through enough quite a bit, and I heard something somewhere, and I thought it was important enough to share here about the overthinking, that it’s likely if you are overthinking that you’ve already figured out the answer because you’ve overthought. And I thought that was kind of cute and probably real, right? That we’re just kind of hammering something and we can just put down the hammer. It’s okay. Right? Everybody’s gonna be okay.

Rita Black: Right. What is what are some tools for overthinking? Like, do you think brain dumping, like on a, in a journal is helpful, do you think? Do you know what I mean? Like just kinda, or taking action on, I mean, sometimes overthinking, you can’t, like, take action on something because you were trying to figure something out. But for me, I, I mean, when I’m overthinking something often I’ll just write it all out and then, and then that will help my brain start to organize it because it feels very overwhelming. I don’t know. What, what do you think?

Dr. Christine Li: Yeah, I think it’s probably different for everyone what is gonna provide the relief from that tension, but I would say that’s the direction you wanna hope for, right? Is that if I can just like, let the air out here and just kind of relax the system so that I can actually think clearly and think at my best or think a reasonable solution for this current conundrum. And I think it’s just saying like, enough is enough and, and that I don’t have to tear myself apart to get to an answer, because that doesn’t make sense to me anymore, right? That I am not 20 years old anymore. Right. I can’t put myself through every ringer. I need to figure this out. I need to accept the situation, accept whatever limitations there are, and keep going and keep growing. Right? Hmm. And decide I’ve got the answer already. I’ve got a, a reasonable answer. And journaling, I think is very in vogue right now from what I can see. And yeah. Talking to yourself in some way, but in this loving not crazy.

Rita Black: Right.

Dr. Christine Li: You know? Right. Like driven, kind of insisting on again, the right answer. I think that’s the answer is really saying, yeah, if I can calm myself down, that’s the kind of thinking level I wanna be at.

Rita Black: Right. Okay. Yeah. Love it.

Dr. Christine Li: Number four is this idea of knowing where you are with your energy and are you feeling high energy, like you can do with, you’re on top of the world, you’ve got that drive, that creative energy, that spark is lit, or are you super low in energy and are you pairing your behaviors with your energy? And do you just have awareness of the shifts that you go through in energy across the week, across the month, even maybe according to the seasons? You know, what kinds of shifts do you go through in terms of your energy and are you insisting or planning or scheduling in your rest so that you’re making the most out of this high energy, low energy system? That you understand as a woman in midlife that rest may be even more important than ever. That your brain needs a time to have a break, to clear out the garbage, to make sense of what is needed to, right? Keep, keep the bearings, I think is in some ways the game of midlife is to say, you know what, we’ve got more, there’s more where this came from, but I’m not gonna tear myself apart doing this anymore. Right. I’m gonna enjoy my rest. I’m not gonna feel guilty about the breaks that I’m taking.

Rita Black: Right. And leveraging when you’re high energy and knowing like what part of the day you’re higher energy. Yeah. Well, for sure. I’m a big fan of naps.

Dr. Christine Li: They’re needed, naps, they’re, they are needed. Right? Just accepting this is necessary. Right? No guilt needed.

Rita Black: No guilt needed.

Dr. Christine Li: No guilt needed. Number five is to nurture your personal energy. And that sounds the same, but it’s kind of slightly different. It’s again, that tending to the garden that is you, right? That you’re going to have proper hydration, you’re gonna have great food, you’re going to have sunshine, you’re gonna have a positive attitude. You are going to not give into despair, but understand that those feelings may come when they come. Right. So acceptance is part of this really healthy habits is part of this. And when preparing for this conversation, I really thought of the work that you do, Rita, about helping people to maintain a weight that is healthy and desired by them. Right? To feel that we’re not carrying extra that is unneeded is part of nurturing your personal energy, of knowing that you are have control, you have a say in how your system, your, your operating system, your, your precious body is operating, how your brain is working. Right. That we have a role and a responsibility for keeping things in as good a shape as we can.

Rita Black: Yeah. And I also think that you, you know, from a weight management perspective, I just got off a call with some advanced students who were talking, we did a low carb challenge in our community, and, and they were saying, oh, it’s so interesting because some of them discovered certain foods that they were just taking for granted that they took out of their diet, that made them feel much more energy, much more connected to themselves. And, and they were talking, I mean, we had a conversation about like, oh, see these foods, they, they may not make us gain weight or lose weight, you know, they’re like cookies or something. We were talking about it and there, but it makes me feel like it, it engages my brain, so I’m thinking about it. So it’s taking energy away from me being present in my life. Like eating cookies sometimes will stimulate a part of the brain.

Rita Black: So you’re now thinking about food all day. And, and so even honoring what you’re putting in your body from an energetic standpoint, just for like, I want my mind to be free and, and I want my body to feel good, but, but really having to, we were talking about the surrender of that because you get beaten up by your choices so often. You kind of have to, and that’s the great thing about being midlife. You’re like, yeah, I’ve been beat up by cookies enough, I can let those cookies go and there’s other cookies I can eat that don’t make me think about food all the time, but those cookies, I can let them go because I’d rather be free. You know? So making those choices out of advocating for yourself and advocating for your body and advocating for your mind and your time. Yeah, absolutely. And drinking water and exercising is another thing that really can, you’re putting money in your bank account of energy when you’re, you know, engaging in exercise. So Yeah. I love it. Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li: You are the one who taught me about eating, I think you said a plus foods, right?

Rita Black: Yeah. Like why would you put the foods in your body, you know, like you try to treat yourself well. Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li: Yeah. It’s, for me, that’s a whole image, right? I can see you doing that. Right, and it’s a reminder, right? There are different grades of what we’re doing, and it’s okay to just like, like to be a top performing student in this area. It is. Okay. Because we get the benefits of that, right? Yeah. There’s some benefits of being a, a good student.

Rita Black: Absolutely. Well, we would want that for our loved ones, so why wouldn’t we want that for us?

Dr. Christine Li: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And great energy will come of these behaviors. Yes. Number six. What did I write here? Control versus change. It’s really, I think the point here is to understand that everything changes and that the, we don’t wanna throw our energy into trying to control everything. And I think that’s just tough to learn at any, no matter, no matter what age you are at, because we we’re just really enamored of our own dreams and wishes and beliefs that we can control things that just really aren’t controllable, like aging, for instance. Right? Right. Like we are, we might be really keeping to our healthy habits and all that, but we’re also all aging at the same time. And really just I think there it is some, some sort of like accepting the reality that is, and knowing that everything is changing, but working with that understanding to our benefit is really saying, you know, what, am I gonna spend four more hours fussing over this one article, or am I gonna release it and then have somebody else look at it, save myself three hours, and then have this process be collaborative and for my benefit and for the world’s betterment, hopefully.

Dr. Christine Li: And just saying, you know, I’m releasing the control. I’m releasing this tight, everything has to be a certain way model so that I can see the options and I can grow and I can keep growing and I can keep expanding without guilt, without straining the system. I think when I talk about energy, I talk about it because we’re energetic beings, but we’re all losing energy for so many different reasons that are both appropriate and normal and real and daily living kind of stuff. But also because we’re throwing our energy away sometimes by thinking we can control things that we don’t. Right. Like you mentioned our children and their choices or their pains. Like we only have so much influence even as their parents, right?

Dr. Christine Li: So it’s a little bit of maybe instead of control, add, play, I would suggest as an alternative to say, huh, how can we make this even more fun? How can we make this fly by Right. So that we’re not even thinking of this as work anymore because we’re midlife women and we have got a lot of on our plate in any moment. Right?

Rita Black: Yeah. For sure. And I mean, it is, I think the digital world has made us feel even in more control of our destiny because, you know, we get so much, our feedback loop is, you know, we are reinforced by seeing all of our ads are that we see are focused on our needs and wants and you know, they’re self-serving. We, we can dismiss things, we can dismiss delete emails. We can, you know, we we’re the queen of our own queendom, right?

Dr. Christine Li: Yes.

Rita Black: But, and that comes with a price, because then you get to feel like, oh, well, you know, we’re we, we do, we do tend to become a lot more invested in keeping things as they are. Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li: Yeah. And I think you always wanna have an eye on your energy, right? Are you feeling uplifted? Are you feeling like you have enough? Right. And if not, like it’s okay to pause and it’s okay to scale back, right? Yeah. And that’s an experiment, but that’s called living and just saying like, it’s okay. Nobody’s perfect here, and it’s okay for me to tend to my own energy.

Rita Black: Yeah. Okay. And, and I think also just putting your blinders on to all the, and maybe this is on your list, but, you know, just the mo multiple distractions I come our way into our world that we feel like we need to do, you know, like that, oh, I need to do that. Oh, I need to do that. I need and overscheduling ourselves and over extending ourselves, but

Dr. Christine Li: Yeah. Yeah. We have to be careful in this, in this kind of like self-nurturing way, kind of careful. Again, we’re reducing the stress as in every one of these steps.

Rita Black: Reducing the stress and increasing our energy, our connection.

Dr. Christine Li: Yeah, exactly. Number seven is I think, a big energy saver. And that is to learn to release or let go of or not pay attention to past versions of ourselves. So this one sounds a little different than the other ones, because you’re kind of like, what is this some sort of Jane Seymour movie or something? It’s, it’s like I think the way I explain this is we are creatures who tell stories and we tend to remember things and see things in story format. It’s how we encode memories. Everything is a beginning, middle, and an end. That does not mean that we have to live out the story of all of our past identities. Right. Our past identities can just stop because we’ve decided, you know what, I’m not someone who yells at myself every time I eat a cookie, right? To use your example, I’m choosing to stop that story today, you know?

Dr. Christine Li: And of course some stories will continue and maybe they should, but I am giving you the idea that I can just jump identities. I can just decide I’m someone who no longer yells at themselves. And what a fun story that will turn out to be when you decide I don’t have to, you know, climax in the story and, and get, get the whole epiphany. I can just decide right now I’m changing the story. I’m rewriting the story.

Rita Black: Okay. Good, good, good. Number eight is how you’re talking to yourself, how you’re using language such a big deal. I oftentimes start my coaching sessions just paying attention to how people are talking. And you really wanna eliminate the language of difficulty or impossibility. Like, I can’t, I won’t. This will never happen. It’s impossible. It’s hard. So you wanna use a language that is loving, encouraging. Positive, not about impossibility. And then you’ll see, oh, my eyes can look further because I’ve allowed myself that space to dream bigger and to, and, and I think that’s not unrealistic. I think that’s realistic because your options are wildly, you know, explosively huge. And it’s almost overwhelming, but it’s okay. You can look, you can experiment, you can tell stories, you can jump into new identities. It’s okay. Midlife is a great time to do that. So let’s have fun.

Rita Black: Number nine is know when you’re in your story and when you’re dealing with reality. So these are a little bit overlapping. I’m, thinking right now, but I think sometimes these things need a little bit of explanation when you’re, because you know, we’re oftentimes living out a story of ourselves, and we stop paying attention to the fact that, oh, wow, I’ve kind of strayed from reality. The reality is I actually have, like you said, your friend, even though she had everything kind of literally burned to the ground, the reality is she’s resourceful. The reality is she has many friends. The reality is there will be more opportunities that will be made and will be created by her kind of a thing. So just don’t get lost in the story of your life because there are, there’s such a good reality. That, and you don’t wanna blow your energy again, fighting that reality. Right? It’s like, find the gratitude, find the journal so that you can reflect how did this day actually go? I’m tired, but actually all these good things happened. I will share with you that at the beginning of the year, you know, there’s this onslaught of beginning of the year advice. And techniques. I even got into a little bit of witchcraft at the end of the year was really kind of fun.

Rita Black: Oh My God.

Dr. Christine Li: Like blowing candles and making wishes and things like that. But one thing that I did do was I started a page in my notes app that said, good things are always happening to me. And you know what, it’s kind of fun to keep a list like that because good things are always happening to each of us. And we are so busy running off how, oh my God, I was the queen of, I’m so stressed. I’m probably . Rita is probably saying, oh, ladies and gentlemen, she still is. But, but I really was the s seer of all the potential failures, all the heaviness, all the ways I wasn’t up to snuff. And that is just really tiring and is really anxiety provoking and really energy draining. So if you can, maybe because you listened to me and Rita today, put this thing in your notes after.

Rita Black: I love that.

Dr. Christine Li: Yay. I’m going to coach myself. I’m gonna remind myself of the goodness in my life and in my world.

Rita Black: What did you write? Like what did you say? What was the I am going to good things happen to me? Or what, what is this? Good

Dr. Christine Li: Things. Good things are always happening to me.

Rita Black: Good things are always happening to me. I love that. Good things are always happening to me. I’m writing that down. Okay.

Dr. Christine Li: Easy as pie. And then what I found is –

Rita Black: Then I wanna hear, wait a minute, wait a minute, Christine, I wanna hear a little more about the witchcraft. So, I’m sure our listeners are like, what? Witchcraft? What’s that? We have to do a whole episode on witchcraft now. So just quickly, was it just like a, a what? So blowing on candles, lighting candles, making wishes, like so spells there’s a, or did get into spells at all.

Dr. Christine Li: I didn’t do any spells, but I was doing, I did blow cinnamon into my doorway of my home on New Year’s Day, because that is to blow sweetness. Like, I’m sure it’s like kind of a good fortune thing. Who knows where that was from? But I also did the, the candles and the wishes thing was a winter solstice tradition. So it goes way back. Right. This is not new stuff originated in Germany, I believe. Right. And when you think about it, it’s like the 12 days of Christmas. It’s that idea, but it it, but before the religious traditions came, this kind of witchery, right? These kind of mule ties because it’s more pagan. I believe the origin was that because it was so dark and people were a, were fearing darker spirits in the darkness of that winter period of the year.

Dr. Christine Li: And so this night would be to honor the people in our lives who are deceased. So a day of mourning. And then the next day would be in a day of, I’ve already forgotten, like day of abundance, let’s say. Or maybe a day of health. You’ll have to look this up for yourself. I know there was a day of mourning for sure. And what I did was winter solstice on that day, you write down 13 wishes. Each wish needs to be something that you believe you can help to make happen. You tear up the page into 13 strips, roll them towards you because you’re receiving the wish. And then each day from the winter solstice on, you randomly choose one, you’re not looking and you burn it safely. And then on the last day, which happens to be, if I’m not mistaken, new Year’s Day, you reveal the last one, which is basically the one that you are responsible for making happen.

Rita Black: Wow.

Dr. Christine Li: So you’ve released the other 12 to, for the universe to help you take care of, but you keep a list, you keep a copy of your original list. And that’s the deal. And I have to tell you, I did this with a friend because the night of the winter solstice, I said, Janine is awake, it was really late at night, but I knew she’d be up and she said, I need this. Let’s do it. And we had the best time. It was a fantastic way to connect, to feel really like we’re doing something, I don’t know, sneaky pagan. I dunno. And we just felt like this was adding positive energy to our days. So it ended up being wildly positive and experience. And I think in some ways it was positive because it was new. It was just something fun and for whatever. No purpose.

Rita Black: Well it was structured too. There was a structure to it, so it made you feel like something was contained.

Dr. Christine Li: You know, on, on top of that structure is really helpful for getting things done. I, I do believe that. But it also showed me that I had time that I didn’t know I had like, time to fit in things that are, that take time, things that are maybe more, you know a 13 part thing. Right. Yeah. And it was just a little metaphor for, you know, what you have control over your time. You can put more in if you desire. And I just love that.,

Rita Black: Right. Well, you know we both have a, a had a business mentor and he would say, you know, you’d get all your things done. And then you have that magic, that little space for magic, which I love.. That’s a great I way of seeing things. So yeah. We all have space for magic in our day. If we, if we create it and believe that we do. So that, I think that is very lovely. I I love that idea. I’m gonna have to try that next year at the, the we’ll do it together. Okay.

Dr. Christine Li: And I wanna put in there that you wanna remember your magic as well. Right. We’re thinking, oh, there’s magic around us. We’re magic. We’re magical being.

Rita Black: That is true When you think about it’s how magical or beingness is.

Dr. Christine Li: Yes. All right. And then number 10 is drum roll. One of my favorite topics to talk about lately, it’s remove the physical clutter from your life.

Rita Black: You’re the, you’re the queen of the cutter clutter queen or the decluttering queen.

Dr. Christine Li: I’m a little bit of both. I will accept that. And I’ve made it kind of a project to help women who are sometimes just overwhelmed by physical clutter to find a way to begin. And I would say in midlife you have inherited stuff. You have mementos of your children, you have your own life mementos, you have your own broken and out of date, and you don’t like the style stuff anymore too. It’s everything. There’s so much that can accumulate in your home because you feel like you don’t have the bandwidth. You don’t know what to do with this stuff. You don’t have the space. People keep giving you their stuff, their gifts. Right. There’s the sentimental attachment that you have with these items. So the list goes on and on. And I’m fascinated by how clutter can actually really be the big energy dream in your life.

Dr. Christine Li: And we’re letting it sit there and letting it drain us of our energy and we’re the, the clutter’s actually changing how our homes function for us. Right. Homes should be places of harmony, peace, family, joy, rest, and safety. And just made that list up on the spot. And I think clutter just really doesn’t fit in any of those those, those terms. Right. And they, they make us think, Ugh, this is undone. Ugh, this is out of place. Ugh. This is a mess. Oh, this is embarrassing. And if you’re an uncluttered person, congratulations. This one is not for you. But if you happen to be like most of the people that I’ve worked with, there is something that you feel, oh my God, if I could just get through this. And I believe that when you actually elevate physical clutter and removing it to the top of your to-do list, you actually do yourself such a favor because you’re clearing out the roadway. Right. That’s the whole theme of this episode is let’s clear out the stuff that doesn’t belong so that you get to feel lighter and brighter and more energized. And you don’t have these energy leaks nagging at you every single day. That’s the thing about clutter. Right? It’s every single day.

Rita Black: Yeah. Well, and it, and it is, it’s always, there is a constant reminder that Yeah. Very, very true. I, I decluttered before Christmas and it was so hilarious. ’cause I, I decluttered my husband, ’cause he’s usually the one who and I found it was so insane. I found an entire library of piano music that he bought at a, an stage hotel he loves to go to you know garage sales and stuff like that in the neighborhood. And our son at the time he bought him was playing the piano and, you know, doing fancy rock on and off and all this stuff. And he is like, well, Archie’s gonna, Archie’s gonna play it. I was like, and then now Archie’s moved, you know, he’s at college and said, Archie’s, I don’t think Archie’s ever gonna, like, this music was never cracked open.

Rita Black: It was never gonna be. I was like, I think we can move this in. And he’s like, oh, oh, you could just see the pain. I mean, I know you deal with this all the time ’cause you were, you help people walk through this pain. Yeah. This pain. Like, he was so pained, he had never invested any, like, I don’t know how much he paid for, I don’t think it was very much, but it was just like, the idea of it was just so wonderful like that I got this whole collection of like this amazing piano music. So he ended up giving it to a neighbor who had a man who collected, you know, antique piano music. So thrilled. And then, you know, he, we, he, he got rid of the energy and just doing that, it changed him. Like he, his face lit up.

Rita Black: We had this like, wall in our living room that was all this like, stuff of his, that was, you know, music and books and stuff. And I, I was like, what would it feel like to get rid of that? And just to have it be, he’s like, I don’t know. And then, but it just was amazing for him to do that. But it was just, it was like, to get somebody over that hump, it’s, it, it, you’re dealing with so much of emotion, you know? And me too. I had to get rid of stuff too.

Dr. Christine Li: And look how you collaborated on that. Right. And it’s, I think it’s can be a lighter process when we join forces when it comes to clutter. Yeah, for sure. ’cause Clutter has got such a grip on us with Right. The wishes and what could have been and what might be, and it’s just like, it’s enough already. Right. It’s like, hasn’t done that. It is taking our time and energy and space and oftentimes it’s costing us to keep it there. Right. It’s costing us our free space. And it’s, it’s, it’s blocking our joy. Right. And so I love the story. I love the stories of when you release things that they go on to help other people. The energy gets to flow and be the energy it was meant to be. And it’s like holding on to stuff wishing, I don’t know that for me that no longer cuts it, that doesn’t mean I don’t, I still have some clutter, but for me, I’m looking for bigger and more fun and stuff in motion. Right. Stuff that I’m gonna get something out of and clutter. I don’t get anything out of it.

Rita Black: So Good. Well, I love, I love the list. You did, I know you scribbled this list down, but can you just repeat all 10? Oh, it’s very neatly written. Okay. But just repeat all 10 so that we can have a review and then I know you have something that you want to let my audience know about that’s coming up. That’s very exciting.

Dr. Christine Li: Yeah. Thank you so much. Okay. Number one, remember that anxiety is the belief that we won’t be able to cope.

Rita Black: Okay. Okay. Love it.

Dr. Christine Li: Number two, people pleasing. You just wanna reduce that as much as you can, I think. And maybe even eliminate that as a practice. Number three, overthinking. Just remember, you can just think, you don’t have to overthink. Number four, we really need to pay attention and get familiar with our high and low energy patterns. And make sure to implement rest as a new part of that system if you haven’t already. Number five, remember to nurture your personal energy, however, and whatever works for you, whether that’s weight management or taking private time because you’re more introverted, whatever it is, know yourself. Right? And be okay with taking that good stuff for yourself because your main job is keeping yourself whole and feeling well and feeling like you can cope. That I feel is like kind of really our main role. And we forget that because we’re so busy thinking about everything in every one. But really what good is all of that? If we’re just tearing ourselves apart or falling apart? No more of that in midlife especially. Okay. And number six, you want to understand that everything changes so you don’t have to hang on so tightly to the idea of needing to be in control of everything. Number seven is you can let go or surrender or not pay attention to past versions of yourself. And that will give rise to the idea of experimenting with new identities right away or whenever you feel like it. Number eight, pay attention to the language you’re using, making sure that it’s supportive and positive and nurturing of your best energy. Number nine is knowing whether you are living in a story version of things or in reality. And kind of get good at really accepting the reality that you’re in. Because that can be a huge time saver and energy saver. You’re not fighting against yourself all the time. I think that’s procrastination is when we’ve just decided we’re gonna take a bunch of time and fight against ourselves. And number 10 is get rid of the physical clutter. It is so doable when we, we know, oh, it’s like moving one thing from here to there. In reality. I understand that it’s just much more loaded, like you described with your husband and the music for your son. So understand with the complication, it’s still a basic movement.

Rita Black: And the event that Rita has so kindly offered to help me share is this upcoming Five-day challenge that I have. It is called Reenergize Your Home. And it is a five day challenge where the challenge is not so great because it’s kind of like, let’s have fun together and toss and get rid of the clutter. And it’s 15 minutes a day guided by me. You’ll have hundreds of other people, women and men joining you inside the challenge. And we’re gonna start March 3rd. And it is very structured. It’s the eighth time I’m running this, so you’re guaranteed a good time and a an effective system to follow. And I invite you to register now by going to procrastinationcoach.com/free. That’s FREE again, procrastinationcoach.com/free. And then you’ll get all the information you need. Thank you. Rita

Rita Black: Oh, you’re so welcome. And this is, I, I mean, I have had a number of, ’cause Christine has run these before and, and I’ve opened up the doors to, and I participated myself. It is so fun and it is so productive. You really know how to make people have a good time around getting rid of stuff and getting, getting energized, which is so great. What a gift. So thank you for offering it. Go touch it. And I will have the, the link will be in the show notes if you didn’t catch what she said. And what a great thing. Spring cleaning. Right? It’s perfectly time to get the stuff out before, you know, to have a nice light spring. I I’m always reminded of Laura Engles Wilder. There’s a, I forget which book. It was like Little House on in, on the house in Silver Lake or whatever one, it was like towards the end of the series.

Rita Black: Or she and Mary, or was it her? She and her sisters, her mom and dad were gone and they just took, they cleaned out the entire house. Do you remember that one where they just like spring cleaned?

Dr. Christine Li: No, it was spring.

Rita Black: Oh, it was a, this was like what you did on the Prairie. ’cause It was everything. They were all inside all winter long and all the dust and all the grime and they literally pulled all the furniture outside, put on the lawn and scrubbed from the top to the bottom and it, and that was spring cleaning.

Dr. Christine Li: Wow. And that there’s something that sounds so appealing about that, but we don’t have to do that. Right. We don’t have to go to those lengths.

Rita Black: Don’t! Just do a corner, just do your desk.

Dr. Christine Li: And also to know that I feel like since I’ve spent, so I’ve started to focus on this topic so intently that I’ve come to believe that anytime is a good time for decluttering, right?. It’s like, just grab a handful, grab a pile. Right? Be really quick to toss things into the garbage. It’s just like these little micro habits that are part of decluttering. It’s okay. It, it’s not gonna kill your energy. You’re gonna survive this.

Rita Black: Yeah. I love it.

Rita Black: Thank you Dr. Christine. That was amazing. Okay. We all have our directive, our 10 ways we can unblock our energy. So go unblock it. Let’s create an energy powerhouse, shall we? And make sure you sign up for her challenge. It is a great challenge. I’ve participated in it before. The, the link is in the show notes and you would just go to www.procrastinationcoach.com/free. That’s procrastinationcoach.com/free to sign up for her challenge reenergize your home challenge. Enjoy and have a great week. And remember that the key and probably the only key to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you. So keep listening and find it.

Rita Black: Did that episode go by way too fast for you? If so, and do you wanna dive deeper into the mindset of long-term weight release? Head on over to www.shiftweightmastery.com. That’s www.shiftweight mastery.com, where you’ll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release tips, strategies, and more. And be sure to check the show notes to learn more about my book from Fat to Thin Thinking. Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss and to learn how to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.

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