Rita Black: The holidays are a time of celebration, connection, and let’s face it, a lot of opportunities to drink, whether it’s wine at dinner, cocktails at the office party, or eggnog with friends. Alcohol often takes center stage. How can we navigate the season without overdoing it or feeling pressured to drink at all? Today, I’m thrilled to welcome Colleen Kachman, also known as the Hangover Whisperer. Colleen is here to share her insights on managing alcohol during the holidays, handling social pressure, and recognizing when casual drinking might be crossing into more serious territory. We’ll also explore the realities of alcohol use disorder and discuss practical empowering strategies for anyone looking to make mindful choices this season. So whether you’re considering cutting back, going alcohol free, or just want to enjoy the holidays without the dreaded hangover, you are in the right place. Get ready to sip on some wisdom and toast to a healthier you. Let’s dive in.

Rita Black: Did you know that our struggle with weight doesn’t start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym? 80% of our weight struggle is mental. That’s right. The key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind. Hi there, I’m Rita Black. I’m a clinical hypnotherapist weight loss expert, bestselling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process. And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery. I am also a former weight struggler, carb addict and binge eater. And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40 pounds with the help of hypnosis. Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years. Enter the Thin Thinking Podcast where you too will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling. I’ll give you the thin thinking tools, skills, and insights to help you develop the mindset you need, not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long term and live your best life. Sound good? Let’s get started.

Rita Black: Hello! And come on in. I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve been together, but we were here last week. It’s just those four day holiday weekends that put us in this wild state of suspended animation, right? Or am I the only one who’s thinking this? It feels like a long time. Did those of you in the US have a nice holiday? I hope you and your loved ones had a lovely holiday. I’m just getting over a long, long cold. So this year’s Thanksgiving was amazingly chilled out. My daughter’s away. We didn’t cook Thanksgiving. We went to a friend’s. No hassle, no leftovers. Amazing. I did make a Turkey just so I could have my own Turkey soup since my friends made lasagna for Thanksgiving. What the heck? But he’s Italian. What can I say? So this weekend I spent planting little California natives in my front yard.

Rita Black: I planted a lot a few years ago, but I don’t know if you’ve experienced this, you gardeners out there, but sometimes you plant a particular plant and it kind of takes a hold and squeezes out all the other plants. They’re just a little more invasive than the others. So I had to pull out a lot of those invasive plants and make room for some new, and as I was doing this, I was thinking about this strange time called the holiday season and how like a garden, some more aggressive and unhealthy habits tend to crowd out our healthier ones and need to be tended to, to restore order.

Rita Black: And that’s why I am excited to share my interview with Colleen Kachman about alcohol. Colleen is a mindful drinking coach and is the host of the Globally Top ranked It’s not about the Alcohol podcast. Colleen works with high achieving professional women to reduce alcohol consumption by 80%. She combines holistic and evidence-based strategies in neuropsychology nervous system regulation and growth mindset to reprogram your brain with a less is more mindset so you can stop worrying about losing control. Colleen is an addiction and recovery certified master life coach with an MSC in health coaching, a BS in Biology and Chemistry, and is certified as a woman’s functional and integrative professional. She’s founded Recover with Colleen, an intensive group coaching program for women to master the seven core skills of emotional sobriety in her accelerated recovery process so you can trust yourself again.

Rita Black: Hello, Colleen. It is so great to have you on the Thin Thinking Podcast again. I know we had you on a couple of years ago, but we are heading into the holidays and I think some of my listeners would really like to hear some of your wisdom about having a more empowered relationship with alcohol as we had. So we’d, we don’t have to worry about dry January, because December we kind of got mindful and clear on our boundaries now. So please tell us the wonderful way that you work with women. It’s primarily women, correct?

Colleen Kachman: It’s all women, yes. I have a women program.

Rita Black: Well, please just lay on us the amazing things you do with women and their relationship with alcohol.

Colleen Kachman: Well, I work primarily with high achieving professional women to reduce their drinking by 80% without having to quit, without having to rely on willpower and white knuckle. I primarily attract women who have a legit case of alcohol use disorder, which simply means that you drink more than you think you should drink. That’s, it’s a DSM five, you know, it’s a mental health issue. It’s a thinking problem, not a drinking problem. It is not tied to how much or how often you drink. It is tied to your relationship with yourself. You feel like you’re out of control or that you can’t stop once you start or that your off switch is broken or that you just have a high tolerance. Like all of the things, and I help women take their power back by shifting the focus and the conversation away from drinking, the drinking or over-drinking is, it’s like the needs gaslight in your car.

Colleen Kachman: It’s a symptom of unmet needs. You know, the alcohol, if you call it dependency or addiction, it’s an adaptation. You’re using it for a reason. It serves a purpose and it serves a good one. It’s just because of the physiological aspects of the drug we call alcohol, you end up painting yourself into a corner due to high cortisol, low dopamine. And so then you start beating yourself up and feeling bad and telling yourself a story that you can’t control it. And most people think that, well, I need to change my drinking. I need to get sober, or I need to, you know, drink mindfully the correct amount for the correct amount of days each week and not exceed the CDC limit or whatever we tell ourselves. Most women think if they correct their behavior, that that will correct the emotional issue of feeling bad.

Colleen Kachman: But the truth is, it’s the shame and the fear of failure that’s driving the drinking. And so I work with women from the holistic standpoint of, it’s not about the alcohols babe. It’s about your relationship with yourself and when you correct the root cause, the upstream reasons that land you at happy hour every night, or, you know, drinking into a bottle of wine or just overdoing it, when you correct the upstream reasons and reclaim your power and your connection with yourself, Well, the alcohol situation just takes care of itself. powerful, happy, relaxed, content. People don’t drink themselves under the table or into a stupor or stay up too late every night. So if you, if you correct those root causes, then the symptoms of the behavior, just self-Correct.

Rita Black: Yeah. That’s amazing. It is amazing too, because I see that a lot with overeating and binging. It’s the same, there’s a shame driven cycle that actually, and I don’t know, is this the same for you and, sorry, I live in LA so you might hear sirens in the background, but there’s not to say that LA is a crime ridden. I always, LA is a crime ridden city, but I live literally in the middle of the city and there’s always some firetruck or something going by. So sorry about that. So when somebody is, for instance being good on a diet just similar to like, I’m only gonna have one glass of wine per night, right? And they’re putting in that sort of discipline mindset, like restricting and that restriction, restriction restriction. So they get five nights in, they get six nights in, they get seven nights in, they’re like, oh, I’m being good, I’m being good.

Rita Black: And that being good is kind of like a high like because they see like they’ve got it under control and I’m being good, but then something happens, like they drink that extra glass of wine, or they get really stressed out at work, and then they come home and then there’s a permission to, well, I did that, so I might as well do a bunch of that because tomorrow I’m gonna be sober for the next week. Right? Like, this is very similar. I think to the weight struggle cycle I see. Which is also shame driven. And and a lot of times when you can change the inner communication, you change the outcome. But tell me if you, so you see like there’s a pleasure in the letting go, you know, initially ’cause you’re like, oh, well then I’ll have a second glass of wine and oh, I’m having fun and I’ll have a third glass of wine and or scotch or whatever. But then you wake up the next day and then the shame cycle, you know, is even stronger because you didn’t do what you said you were gonna do.

Colleen Kachman: And that’s why I call myself the hangover whisper on TikTok and Instagram because it is the way you respond to the mistake the next morning that resets the cycle. You know, our brain is always learning. And when you beat yourself up and, you know, shame is like the autoimmune disorder of emotions. And when you get stuck in that shame, what you are learning and what you have repeatedly learned, which is why we are here, and having this conversation, what you are learning is that alcohol’s a problem for you, sweetheart. And number two, that you can’t trust yourself, that you can’t control yourself. You’re reinforcing that. In the same way that if you set the goal to not drink or to stop after one, if that’s your goal, then what you’re learning and training your brain is this is hard and this isn’t fun.

Colleen Kachman: And that, and it’s like, what you need to understand is the difference between a positive goal and a negative goal. Not drinking or drinking less. That’s the side effect of doing something else that you find enjoyable. You know, the biggest result in my program is when a woman who’s been a daily drinker for two decades comes to a call three months later and goes, oh my God, it didn’t occur to me to have a drink last night. Like, it’s, it’s not about not drinking. Not drinking is not a thing. And, you know, from neurolinguistic programming that when you, the brain doesn’t understand the negative, the more you think about not drinking tonight, the more anxiety you feel, the more the images and the sensations and the memories of the brand, it’s all activated. Which is why it feels so hard.

Colleen Kachman: When I work with women. We start with, well, what is it that you want to be doing? And then setting a low bar, not a black or white all or nothing thing, but we work on expanding the skills that you need. You know, make a list of 10 things that you can feel a little relaxed or that, you know, mark the difference between workday and evening for you. And you just begin to build those out, leaving your brain wanting more. You know, okay, I’m gonna do this for five minutes tonight. And then you’re like, well, I could do it longer. And you’re like, no, no, no. Like now you’re gonna think about that mentally rehearse, oh, I want to do that again. You know, so there’s, it’s just a backwards approach that we take with alcohol or dieting or spending money where you’re trying to limit yourself when what you wanna do is, this would be the side effect of the real goal, which is me feeling so relaxed, I don’t even consider, you know, having a drink tonight.

Rita Black: Yeah. Yeah. And what I’m hearing too is that that focus, that inner conversation with yourself is aligned with, I mean, I don’t know, it sounds like you do, but it sounds like you’re also taking yourself away from that. You had mentioned this before we turned on the mic that self-identity, you know, like if you see yourself as a drinker or having a drinking problem, that’s a label and that’s an identity versus stepping into sort of a learning mode, being curious about your behavior and, and your inner communication.

Colleen Kachman: Well, there’s some great research by Kira Bobett. She has two books. Her most recent is Unstoppable Brain. The one before that is a well-Designed Life or something like that. I highly recommend her. I’m trying to get her on my podcast. But she talks about the iterative mindset which is iterations, you know, the next iteration of the iPhone. It’s a big word that you could also boil down to learner’s mindset. It’s a lot like a growth mindset. But when you respond to yourself in shame and beating yourself up, oh, I did it again. What the heck is wrong with me? Why can’t I just go one night without drinking? You know, whatever it is. Well, there’s something that happens in the ula, which is the part of the brain that is kind of the scorekeeper. And every time you, you log your behavior as a failure, then you demotivate your brain, downregulates your dopamine, it downregulates your serotonin and oxytocin, you cannot learn anything in a state of shame or a state of stress. And so the key to unlearning the old habits and learning new habits is to have this iterative mindset. To have a learner’s mindset where there is no success or failure. There’s the experience. Do you like the way you feel? I could do a little more of this. I could do a little less of that. How do I tinker around? What would I need to do right now to cause different behaviors this evening? You know, just like they say, foreplay begins in the kitchen. That’s what they tell the men. You know, you gotta help her with the dishes if you wanna have sex tonight. Well, I like that. A relaxed evening starts in the morning by you choosing your focus, you choosing to regulate your nervous system, you choosing to be the boss of your agenda, instead of just pants on fire running around, you know, like a chicken with your head cut off.

Colleen Kachman: Like if you move through the world in a state of power, then you think and act powerfully. Which is why when we don’t set behavior metrics with the right amount to drink, we set emotional goals. You know, so say you’re going to a holiday party, don’t ask yourself how much you’re gonna drink. Like only a person who has to worry about how much they drink. To your point, the identity. Only somebody who worries about losing control and identifies that way would be thinking about drinking. Otherwise, you’re just going to a party. You’ll do what you do. It’s gonna be fun. What you wanna do if you’re trying to change your behaviors is set the emotional goal. How do you wanna feel at that party? Right? I wanna feel connected. I wanna feel in control. I wanna feel relaxed. Alright? So that’s the bullseye on the tree that you’re going for. Your brain will solve any problem that you give it when you tell it what you want instead of what you don’t want. And if your goal is to feel connected at a party, now your brain’s like, Ooh, if you have a little more alcohol, then you’re gonna start slurring your words and repeating yourself. So it just, it’s learning how to work your brain. Your brain is a tool. It’s, it’s a tool.

Rita Black: Yeah. We use you know, a NLP future pacing a lot to future pace that how do you wanna feel leaving the party, having eaten, you know, staying connected to yourself, eaten, and also alcohol. And it is a powerful tool to also wake up with, how do I wanna end today feeling? How do I wanna feel connected? So it is so much about learning how to use this powerful brain we have in a way. And I can imagine that your clients respond very well to this being professional women, of course, who are problem solvers by nature. Once you kind of put this in a different paradigm for them, they probably see that very quickly that they, they’re more in the driver’s seat of this than they thought they were.

Colleen Kachman: So much. And it’s positive emotional goals, like everything we do, we wanna lose weight. Why? So you can feel better in your body so you can feel confident. Well, that’s all just tied to the story in your head. Like even with weight loss, like the most important thing is you have to feel good now. You have to love the body that you’re in and treat her with respect and speak to her kindly like you would a stranger in a grocery store. And your feelings are guiding you to tell you what the thoughts are in your brain that are working against you. And when women learn how to use their brain, just like you learn how to program ai, you know, you don’t get, you don’t type into your computer. I don’t want pizza tonight for dinner. Oh, that will kind of how can I help you with that? Then? Like, no, I do want this. If you know what you want, your brain can get you what you want. And it’s very counterintuitive. We’re taught our whole life, especially as women, we’re taught to manage our behavior and suppress any emotion. Ain’t nobody got time for that. And so learning that, managing your behavior, just ’cause you can smile and put up with the most does not mean, you know, that leads to self-sabotage because you’re, you’re not connected to yourself and that just doesn’t go well.

Rita Black: Yeah, exactly. So how do you see people in your world heading into the new year? You know, we’re talking 2025. Do you see, like, again, when somebody’s struggling with drinking, like what do you think about dry January? What are your thoughts on dry January? I’m beginning to think of what I think, I know how you’re gonna respond, but I’m kind of curious. Because this is like, everybody’s like, well do what I want and then I’ll do dry January.

Colleen Kachman: Well, that’s, that’s what happens. What you just said is what comes before dry January, it’s, well, I don’t need to pay attention to myself from November and December because I’m just gonna do dry January. And so it leads to this all or nothing cycle. Well, I’m not even gonna try to change because it’s too hard because I’ve trained my brain to think it’s hard. And so I’m just going to, I’m just gonna cut it all out in January and that can be great. I’m not dogging on dry January, but it does lead to the yo-yo cycle just like cycle, just like dieting does.

Rita Black: Yeah. Just like, I’ll be good in January, I’ll go keto, I’ll cut carbs, whatever. Yeah. It’s January, January.

Colleen Kachman: Can you imagine being a person who doesn’t need to do a detox diet or a cleanse in January because you enjoyed yourself fully through the holidays, but it’s like you, you, your priority is how you feel in your body. Your body doesn’t crave alcohol or a bunch of crappy foods, you know, a bite of this, a sip of that. But when you become the version of you who exists 365 days a year as her, like, I don’t go on diets. I don’t go do dry January because I don’t need to. You know? And so that’s a radically different way of living. And that speaks back to your identity piece. I identify someone who likes, as someone who likes to feel good in my body and who likes to feel in control. And that does not mean I don’t ever have a third glass of wine. It’s just very rare. And usually that’s over a long number of hours because I don’t ever like to cross that line. You know, there’s a difference between buzz and intoxication. And when you cross that biphasic line at 0.055 blood alcohol, now the negative side effects are just compounding. And if you’re paying attention and honoring what feels good in your body, it’s not hard to control yourself.. Because it feels good.

Rita Black: Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I mean, so much of what you’re saying is so much of what I talk to my audience, my students about, which is the, you know, people are like, well, it’s a holidays, you know, I don’t want to start something, you know, start managing my weight, you know, during holidays. But most people who do, who start that journey or have been that journey when, because they’re changing that relationship with themselves, they find like, wow, I’m way more present to the holiday. I’m way more present to the people in my life. I’m way more connected to the holiday itself rather than feeling crappy. ’cause I’m hungover, feeling crappy ’cause I ate too much. And I’m waking up every day going, oh, I’m just gonna be good in January. So, because we kind of rob ourselves of that experience because like you said, we spend so much of the holiday in this shame and then shame response cycle to the shame, which is like, I’m gonna be better tomorrow, or I’m gonna be better on January. So let me just continue to plow through the, you know, the Christmas bark and the eggnog, spiked eggnog. You know, and I’ll think about it on January 1st.

Colleen Kachman: Well, it also speaks to why we are using alcohol or food. It has a reason. You’re serving a purpose. You’re coping with something. And so many of us do not think of our own needs as a priority. But when you become a person of power, your needs are not negotiable. They’re not more negotiable than anybody else’s. So yeah, your fifth obligation in a row on a work night where you have a Christmas party here and a event at your kid’s school, and then somebody else needs something, like, you have to learn how to say no and to prioritize yourself because yes, you may feel more present. Like you said, that’s the ideal. That’s what we all want to hear is, oh, I’m gonna feel so much better about myself. But if you’re forcing yourself to continue to not sleep well and to take on all of these extra obligations financially with your time, with your energy, and then you wonder why you need a coping skill, like the whole thing, like coping skills.

Colleen Kachman: You shouldn’t need coping skills. What are you coping with? Like, that’s also an upstream root cause issue is that you’ve, you’ve, you, you are allowing yourself to be forced into doing things that if you’re really honest, you don’t have the energy for, you don’t have the bandwidth for, but you’re not prioritizing yourself. And so if you are doing too much, then you’re not gonna feel present. And the only way to get through the party is to have a drink because whatever, I’ll just do this in January. You’re just ignoring the fact that you’re ignoring yourself. It’s not a high tolerance for alcohol or a sweet tooth that you have, my friend. It is a high tolerance for ignoring your own needs and then needing something to cope with that reality.

Rita Black: Yeah. Very good. So let me ask you about the DSM five. We, what you were talking about earlier that it’s on the over the alcohol, what you call alcohol use disorder is on the DSM five. I didn’t know that. Tell me a little bit about that.

Colleen Kachman: Well you know, the cultural thoughts around alcohol is, is that, you know, it’s a moral failing or it’s a, it’s an addiction. It’s a, it’s a disease. But that’s not scientific. Now, I do wanna use a caveat that classifying as a disease can lead to healthcare dollars that can get you treatment and support. Right? So that’s just a word. I’ll say whatever you want me to say, I’ll call it whatever you want me to call it. Because it doesn’t go away on its own. You know? If you have alcohol use disorder, it is a thinking problem. You can’t think your way out of it. But you need to understand it’s a mental health issue. And research shows that actually addiction itself is a state of belief mixed with poor coping skills. But the belief is, I need this.

Colleen Kachman: I can’t control myself. And so when you are looking at alcoholism and you’re, and you’re looking at it from the disease standpoint, most of the treatment industry is reinforcing the very cause of the problem at the most vulnerable time of your life when yeah, you do have an addiction, but they’re telling you that you can never drink again, or that you have to permanently alter your behavior forever. And you have to identify as somebody with a problem. That’s the problem. In reality, 80% of people who end up in the weeds with alcohol just knock that off because it’s, it’s hard to have a drinking problem. You know, and you don’t ever hear from them because they’re not the spokespersons because they just correct their behavior. But it is this cultural perception that there’s a difference between normal drinkers and alcoholics and alcoholic. That’s just a mental construct.

Colleen Kachman: Somebody’s telling you what that is. There is no genetic marker. There is no DNA that causes somebody to lose control when they drink. No, you’ve lost control of your thinking and you’ve been trained to drink in a way where you, where feeling out of control is kind of the goal. So the DSM five identifies it as a disorder that is on a spectrum, and you can move up and down that spectrum. And it, is it a mental health disorder? It is a thinking, it is a way of thinking, which is why my approach to the program is I don’t care if you have an active addiction or not. I mean, we are addicted to your phone. Also, coffee, maybe sugar too. And that doesn’t make you lose control. Might make it harder, but you’re not outta control. Because if you notice anybody with a drinking problem or anything else, they can control it when they need to. If they have to work or somebody’s watching or they have to drive, then they can control it. So we’re not talking about a lack of control, we’re talking about a lack of motivation. And that’s up here.

Rita Black: Interesting. Thanks for clarifying that. What do you think about social? Yeah, I, that was awesome. I got that. And I think my audience got that too. My audience is very smart. What about, okay, so I have a couple of questions and then I’m gonna have you tell us more about, you know, how people can find more about you. So one question is about social pressure. You know, and again, i I am probably now having, you know, obviously that’s an external locus of control versus internal locus of control. But you know, what about when people make, I get there’s a difference between, okay, I’m going to that party, I’m not gonna drink. And then Susie comes along and is like, Hey, let’s grab a glass of wine and go and talk about la la la. You know, or you’re not drinking, you’re no fun. I know, you know, I think we’ve gotten a sense of what you believe, but like, do you have any coaching for people? ’cause We are heading into the holiday system and, and I get that people are gonna be like, need, you know, just some, maybe you don’t have any coaching, but I’m kind of curious what you think. Lay some coaching on us for the social pressure aspect of alcohol.

Colleen Kachman: Well, pressure, pressure is a feeling. And unless somebody is actually touching your body and, and putting physical pressure on you, then your feelings about somebody else’s feelings are still your feelings. Correct. So just like if a 2-year-old came up and said, I want you to put this wig on, and you got your hair in some pretty updo, and you’d be like, no, no, no, sweetie, I’m not, I’m not putting, I’m not putting the play wig on. Or if somebody said, you know, I need you to wear these purple socks so that I can feel more comfortable. Okay, you could see right there that you wouldn’t, you’re making them more comfortable. This, it’s all an inside job and that is why deciding how you want to feel, you know? So if you are anxious and worried, what if Susie thinks I have a drinking problem because I’m not drinking?

Colleen Kachman: Which is hilarious. I used to think that all the time. Like, if I don’t have a drink, people will think I have a drinking problem, huh? Like, oh, where did you get that crazy lady? But if you, if you identify, how do I wanna feel? I wanna feel confident at this party, I wanna feel good. Well, if you felt confident and somebody said, do you want a glass of wine? Come on, let’s go have a glass of wine. You’d say, oh, let me grab my, my drink ’cause I brought my own drink. Or I’m, I’m actually doing this. Like, I’ll be right there. You know, this idea that you’re not drinking, are you, do you have something in a glass and you’re swallowing that’s called a drink. Nobody owns the word drink and it’s 2024 and you’re allowed to put anything in your glass a any more than if somebody said, do you want gluten-free pizza or regular pizza?

Colleen Kachman: Do you want non-alcoholic, you know, drink? Or do you want a regular? So, so much of this is like, you’re just asking the wrong question if you felt like you could drink whatever the hell you want. You don’t have to explain that to nobody. If that was your attitude, then if somebody puts pressure on you, it’s gonna get awkward for them because they’re acting weird that they’re pressuring you to do something. When in fact, I drink outta wine glasses. You know, sometimes I bring a non-alcoholic bottle of wine. Sometimes I bring the real thing, like sometimes I’m putting club soda, like, nobody cares what’s in your glass ever. They care what’s in their glass and if there’s enough for them. And so this idea, it’s, it’s, you have to take full responsibility of this idea of pressure that’s you and your thoughts about the situation.

Rita Black: Great. Well now you guys know how to manage that social situation, help people align their own business. Yeah. So I did have another question and I hope I can remember it. Now it’s not coming to me. Well why don’t you tell us about how, how people can find out more about you and let us know how we get more Colleen and then maybe that I usually, if I have pressure to come up with an idea, I can’t think of it, but as soon as I don’t, it will come to me. Yeah.

Colleen Kachman: Well, I will tell you that, but I just to, just to add on to what you just said. If somebody has a problem or you think they have a problem, like you don’t need to make it your problem, you know, if somebody has feelings like, oh, I wish you would drink with me, that makes me feel bad. Like nobody, most people don’t say stuff like that, but let’s just say worst case scenario, oh, I’m gonna feel all alone while I’m drinking and I’m gonna think you are boring. Let’s say they say all of that out loud, that’s not a problem. Like, don’t make it a problem. Choose your problems. And somebody else’s feelings are not your problems. They’re their problems. And so someone else feeling uncomfortable, you don’t have to be uncomfortable. We don’t have to use our mirror neurons to do that. Like, oh, I’m sorry, that’s disappointing for you. You’re gonna be okay sweetie. But you don’t have to make your feelings or other people’s feelings our problems. Sometimes I get a little anxious or you know, socially insecure at a party. I don’t make that a problem. I go to the bathroom, I put my hand on my heart, I’m like, do you wanna go? Do you need something? Like it’s not a problem. You have emotions and you just have to learn to manage them yourself.

Rita Black: That’s amazing. I did have a, I remembered what I was gonna say, and this is about my audience are professional women women who are non-professional and also people who have retired. So I imagine you have some people who have retired, like there’s a transition from the workforce until they get into, you know, traveling more, being more social because they have more time on their hands. They may have had a career that, you know, there’s a big identity shift. We’ve had retirement coaches on to talk about that mental piece. But do you see drinking upt ticking amongst people who, you know, like maybe have more time, maybe that cocktail hour does start at five o’clock instead of, you know, when they get home from a long day at seven 30 or when they’re traveling all the time. You know, like, again, I get that it’s, and maybe they aren’t dealing as much with pressure of the job, but there’s other things underlying feelings coming up, you know, coming up because they’re now retired and other things are going on. Do you, I’m just wondering, see if you see that and if you have students in that span of their life, like they’re in that area of their life.

Colleen Kachman: Very much so. In fact, almost all of my clients have some sort of what I would call a midlife reset that’s going on. They’re becoming empty nesters. Their career has changed, changed, they’ve achieved everything they’ve ever wanted. And the feeling of relaxation and contentment doesn’t feel comfortable for them because they are so used to living a dopaminergic lifestyle where their brain is always three steps ahead. And alcohol has become a way of, of relaxing. You know, people say, oh, I don’t have an off switch. No, alcohol is your off switch often. But then when they go into a period of abundance with time and energy, because maybe they’re retiring or, or whatever, they don’t literally know how to feel comfortable because they’ve trained themselves that if it gets too quiet, then you either forgot something, you are late or the is about to hit the fan.

Colleen Kachman: And that is that component of nervous system regulation where the problem is that you aren’t comfortable with yourself unless you’re running at a hundred miles an hour. And so it’s, it’s that it’s an internal discomfort. And then also a lot of times you, you don’t have a vision for who you wanna be, what you would be doing and you’re scared, but you don’t wanna admit that because you haven’t stopped and paid attention. And so you’re using alcohol to cope with these subconscious concerns that if you just stopped and gave yourself time to unpack them, maybe get a little guidance or support, it’s a big deal to go, go through a life transition. Yeah. You have to reinvent yourself or you will just be the leftovers of, of whatever default program you’re running. So that’s a lot. That’s that that is not to be underestimated. It, it is normal to feel uncertain, but when you’re been living a professional life where you get paid to be certain you’re the lady with the facts, then a lot of times that that’s a subconscious driver of using alcohol to cope.

Rita Black: Wow. Great response. And I totally get that. Alright, so please repeat one more time how everybody can get a hold of you, Colleen, and find more of you. So there was TikTok…

Colleen Kachman: I’m TikTok, Instagram, also Facebook, The Hangover Whisperer. And then my podcast is called, it’s Not About the Alcohol.

Rita Black: Fantastic. Well this has been really great. Is there any first step you would have somebody take, you know, if they were gonna, you know, here it is, it’s December, we’re heading into the holiday season and you know, this is a lot. Okay, I get it. I gotta reregulate my feelings, I got to do all these things. What would be their first step in all of that? You know, if we wanted to simplify it down to, I mean, like obviously you can’t simplify the process you just laid out and obviously I know you’re, you ha you are an amazing coach and, and people love how you transform their lives, help them transform their own lives, I should say. But what would be that first little baby step that they could take other than finding you?

Colleen Kachman: I would say to set a positive emotional goal. Do not set a goal around alcohol as counterintuitive as that is the goal, I would say just for the average listener who maybe just wants to do a little better set time, maybe five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening to do a, a check-in with yourself. Like literally just set in a chair, how you doing? Maybe you’re doing half of a page of journaling or maybe you’re doing some sort of, you know, sleep deep rest meditation or the calm app. But putting in, you know, maybe bookmarking your day with a five minute in the morning and a five minute in the evening period where you check in and come back to your center, that is gonna get you so much farther faster than trying to set goals around alcohol.

Rita Black: Right. Fantastic. Great advice. Well, thank you Colleen. I am sure we look forward to having you back on the Thin Thinking Podcast. Thank you so much for your valuable time. It’s been a joy to see you and have you on here again.

Rita Black: Thank you Colleen. And make sure to tune in to her amazing podcast, It’s Not About the Alcohol. And learn more about how you can connect with Colleen. It’s all in the show notes and you have an amazing week and remember that the key and probably the only key to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you. So keep listening and find it. I will be here with more holiday coaching and goodness here next week. So have a great one.

Rita Black: Thanks for listening to The Thin Thinking Podcast. Did that episode go by way too fast for you? If so, and do you wanna dive deeper into the mindset of long-term weight release? Head on over to www.shiftweightmastery.com. That’s www.shiftweightmastery.com, where you’ll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release tips, strategies, and more. And be sure to check the show notes to learn more about my book from Fat to Thin Thinking, Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss and to learn how to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.